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The best-named draft picks for all 32 NFL teams

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By: Justin Cross

Rome Odunze poses with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. Rome is a first-round talent with a first-round name. | Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images

The 2024 NFL Draft was full of winners and losers, but every team came out on top in terms of awesomely-named draft picks.

My favorite part of the NFL Draft? The rumors. The trades. The hype. The mock drafts. But most of all, I love watching three straight days of prominent analysts and TV personalities struggling to pronounce multi-syllabic names — not to mention large men with names that represent the exact opposite of their stature (see my San Francisco selection).

So, without further ado, here’s my list of the best draft pick names for all 32 NFL teams:

32. Kansas City Chiefs

Xavier Worthy, WR (Round 1)

His last name literally means, “having or showing the qualities or abilities that merit recognition in a specified way”.

31. San Francisco 49ers

Dominick Puni, OL (Round 3)

At 6 feet 5 inches tall and 313 pounds, there’s nothing puny about Puni.

30. Baltimore Ravens

T.J. Tampa, CB (Round 4)

The Bucaneers really should’ve drafted this guy.

29. Carolina Panthers

Chau Smith-Wade, CB (Round 5)

Do you know anyone named Chau? I sure as hell don’t.

28. Dallas Cowboys

Marist Liufau, LB (Round 3)

Say Marist Liufau out loud. Do it. It’s beautiful.

27. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Elijah Klein, Guard (Round 6)

Why Elijah Klein? It’s because Elijah Klein is the name of someone who works in finance, or IT, or maybe a budding Hollywood rom-com star … not a 320-pound football player.

26. Philadelphia Eagles

Jalyx Hunt, OLB (Round 3)

I feel like Jalyx has a Star Wars quality to it. Like, he’s an outside linebacker from a different galaxy.

25. Green Bay Packers

Evan Williams, S (Round 5)

Take a shot of Evan Williams if your team drafted a guy named Evan Williams.

24. Detroit Lions

Christian Mahogany, G (Round 4)

This draft pick smells of rich mahogany.

23. Miami Dolphins

Chop Robinson, Edge (Round 1)

The meatiest pick of the first round.

22. Pittsburgh Steelers

Roman Wilson, WR (Round 3)

A Rome and a Roman who both play WR in the same draft. #Blessed

21. Los Angeles Rams

Beaux Limmer, C (Round 6)

Geaux Beaux.

20. Cincinnati Bengals

Erick All, TE (Round 4)

An all-around tight end who can be an All-Pro?

19. Minnesota Vikings

Dallas Turner, OLB (Round 1)

See similar comment about T.J. Tampa.

18. Seattle Seahawks

Nehemiah Pritchett, CB (Round 5)

Truly one of the most creative first names I’ve ever seen.

17. Indianapolis Colts

Laiatu Latu, Edge (Round 1)

Constantly hearing the pre-draft talk where analysts simply referred to him as the ‘edge rusher from UCLA’ is all I needed.

16. New Orleans Saints

Kool-Aid McKinstry, CB (Round 2)

Second-round draft pick. First-round name. OH YEAH.

15. Las Vegas Raiders

Jackson Powers-Johnson, G/C (Round 2)

Jackson Powers-Johnson is the scariest name I’ve ever heard.

14. Denver Broncos

Bo Nix, QB (Round 1)

Gotta give it to a guy with only five letters in his entire name.

13. New York Jets

Qwan’tez Stiggers, CB (Round 5)

“Stiggers. Get in the game Stiggers.” This is a name straight out of The Sandlot.

12. Chicago Bears

Rome Odunze, WR (Round 1)

Rome wasn’t built in a day, but a huge part the Chicago Bears’ offense was.

11. Atlanta Falcons

Michael Penix Jr., QB (Round 1)

Don’t say “Penix” five times fast.

10. Tennessee Titans

T’Vondre Sweat, DT (Round 2)

Tennessee’s Calvin Ridley reportedly said Sweat is a good bet.*

9. New York Giants

Theo Johnson, TE (Round 4)

This draft needed a Theo in it. The Giants helped the league out for drafting this guy – and also keeping Daniel Jones as their starting quarterback.

8. Los Angeles Chargers

Ladd McConkey, WR (Round 2)

And yes, he hails from the same college that brought you Champ Bailey.

7. Arizona Cardinals

Tip Reiman, TE (Round 3)

Just the…

6. New England Patriots

Drake Maye, QB (Round 1)

You think the Drake-Kendrick Lamar beef is heated? Give it a couple years and wait until the Drake (Maye)-Lamar (Jackson) trash talk starts.

5. Washington Commanders

Javontae Jean-Baptiste, Edge (Round 7)

The final draft pick for the Commanders is first draft pick for the Commanders (name-wise).

4. Houston Texans

Solomon Byrd, DE (Round 7)

This sounds like the name of a prominent statesman.

3. Buffalo Bills

Sedrick Vanpran-Granger, C (Round 5)

This name also sounds like the name of a prominent statesman.

2. Cleveland Browns

Zak Zinter, G (Round 3)

I’ve yet to figure out his middle name, but I’m hoping it’s Zoro.

1. Jacksonville Jaguars

Cam Little, K (Round 6)

Did I miss anyone? Comment below, and let me know.


Originally posted on Big Cat Country – All Posts