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Hair of the Dog: Week 2, Indianapolis Colts @ Houston Texans

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By: l4blitzer

Photo by Ken Murray/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

New coach, new QB, new everything…except the same old result at home

Well, your Houston Texans took the field for the first time at home for the 2023 regular season. The players in their Liberty Whites, the stadium packed with cautiously optimistic fans from the home crowd, looking to see the “for realz” debut of DeMeco Ryans as head coach, Matt Burke as the Most Interesting Defensive Coordinator in the World and CJ Stroud making his home debut. All against the vile ex-Baltimore, current Indianapolis Colts, a team that the Texans did not lose to last season. [KITTEN], the Texans were kinda favored in some circles to win this one. It was all there for a new start.

What we got was the same thing fans have seen at NRG Stadium from the Texans: another loss. The Colts got off to a fast start, went up 28-10 at halftime, and held on for the 31-20 win to send the Texans to their 10th straight non-winning home date, their 8th straight home loss and moved their overall “home” record in calendar year 2023 to 0-3. Surprisingly enough, this is only the 2nd time in the 2020s that Houston has started 0-2, the last being the 2020 season and the last days of the BO’B regime. There were some encouraging signs, but there were just as many reminders that the Texans still have a LONG way to go before they can think about greater glory.

As always, your Battle Red Blog Masthead had their real-time takes on the game, as well as other matters. What, you didn’t associated Texans football with Rich Kotite, Andrew Johnson, password security, social media and Animaniacs today? Well, you do now. As always, all questionable words have been replaced to allow for reading on your work systems (within reason). With that, on to the ‘Dog:

HAIR OF THE DOG WEEK 2: INDIANAPOLIS COLTS @ HOUSTON TEXANS.

vballretired

FOR WEEK TWO: This divisional matchup between woebegone franchises is brought to you by Bartesian. Normally you’d say someone has to win, but these two teams proved that’s not even true last season. Yet, you can always win with Bartesian. Whiskey based cocktails? Vodka based cocktails? Tequila based cocktails? Gin? They’ve got you covered. As usual we remind you not to drive or operate heavy machinery while enjoying Bartesian. #Bartesian #Corporatesponsor

l4blitzer

Perhaps we should start hash-tagging them, and maybe we get some free swag?

So, what are we thinking today? Glory…or disappointing pain?

Patrick

With all the inactives, I just hope Stroud lives to see next Sunday.

l4blitzer

Nothing like having a home opener with only 1 of your projected O-line starters out there.

Patrick

And we saw how most of these backups did during the preseason. I hope Stroud didn’t skip leg day this week.

Any of y’all seen these ads where Keegan Michael Key is talking about the script for this season?

So far I feel like Jordan Peele got the Texans script.

l4blitzer

For the Texans…I would think it would be more like whoever produced those Sharon Tweed “B” movies that dominated the 80s and 90s on Cinemax/HBO

Patrick

So…Gene Simmons?

And away we go.

l4blitzer

or depending how the offensive line, maybe Hammer Productions?

Patrick

They made the Death Wish movies, right?

l4blitzer

More like the Christopher Lee/Peter Cushing Horror flicks

IND POSSESSION

Patrick

He had possession before he left the sideline. That’s a turnover.

Whatever.

l4blitzer

Well, it was Eric M****y, so it wasn’t going to count

Patrick

Aw man I forgot he was going to start.

l4blitzer

And the Ponies seem primed to take advantage

…just like they did on that 3rd down

Patrick

Death by 1,000 cuts.

l4blitzer

Seems like we will see MOAR Richardson runs before the day is out

Patrick

This is going to be a long day.

l4blitzer

…And there’s that patented 2022 running defense.

RICHARDSON WITH THE 18 YARD QB SCRAMBLE FOR A TD: IND 7 – HOU 0; 10:44

l4blitzer

Harris just repeated your sentiment about a long day Pat

Patrick

::muttering in Latin holding a talisman at the TV::

HOU POSSESSION

Joe

Hey y’all!

l4blitzer

Artificial turf in Nashville. Seems odd, but then again, fake grass in a fake-type city…

Joe

LETS GO TANK DELL

Patrick

Oh no.

They fumbled, didn’t they?

l4blitzer

Refs saying he was down, but that O-line playing down to expectations

PLAY UNDER REVIEW: Please stand by…please stand by

Patrick

Yep, that’s a fumble.

Joe

NOOOO

Patrick

And I knew the second they snapped the ball that was a touchdown.

Joe

Come on man

Patrick

I don’t know how but I knew it I [KITTEN]ing knew it.

COLTS CHALLENGE PREVIOUS RULING: RECOVER THE FUMBLE

Joe

Can we just have one good day

Oh my lord

That was fast

RICHARDSON WITH THE QUICK 15 YARD TD RUN; IND 14 – HOU 0; 9:13, 1st

Joe

UGH

Patrick

The last 10 minutes of this game have been the platonic ideal of Texans football.

Joe

come on stroud!!! I believe in you!!!

l4blitzer

Or at least the representation of the 2020s Texans

Patrick

Okay Stroud, try again.

Just don’t die.

Joe

At some point we have to get better right

l4blitzer

Geez, and I thought the Astros were bad at home this year

HOU POSSESSION

Joe

Wow

Patrick

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooh, that was pretty.

Tank!

l4blitzer

Well, a couple of positive plays in a row…that’s something

Joe

HERE WE GO!

And we got some good pass blocking for a second!

l4blitzer

Hey, maybe we can actually do something at home for once this calendar year

Joe

Thank goodness stroud is decent at handling pressure

Lets go Andrew beck!

l4blitzer

The fullback dive for the 1st down…I’ll take that form of old school

Joe

Thats a Beck CHUM

ABUM?

l4blitzer

Hey, Toney for the Chiefs actually held on to a catch

Gotta go for it

…and it worked. A shift from last week

Patrick

This field goal is going to be amazing.

l4blitzer

Thanks Ponies

Patrick

NICO!!!!!

Joe

WOOOOO

Patrick

STROUD’S FIRST TD!

Joe

Lets go Nico Collins!!!

The first of many

STROUD WITH THE 8 YARD TD PASS TO NICO COLLINS: IND 14 – HOU 7; 3:14, 1st

l4blitzer

The Texans with their first home TD of calendar year 2023

IND POSSESSION

Patrick

They forced a punt? They forced a punt!

l4blitzer

Momentum…guess it can happen

Joe

They just need to end this game with a mini Hail Mary to teagan quitoriano and I’ll feel like the Texans have made real progress

It’s happening!!!

Patrick

Oh come on not Dell, [DURGA][KITTEN]

HOU POSSESSION

Patrick

CJ? When you throw the ball away make sure it goes out of bounds, can I give you that note?

Joe

Hahaha

They gotta keep it interesting

l4blitzer

Whoops….remedial throwing it away training coming

Joe

Finally some positive run blocking

Patrick

I want whoever missed that block shot.

l4blitzer

Stroud didn’t even have time to hear the “lookout” block on that one…man…

Patrick

And the rusher was named Speed. LOL.

Joe

I hope this doesn’t become a trend for when Jones is playing tackle

l4blitzer

Ware and Vandermeer discussing if there should be “Speed” puns intended or not

IND POSSESSION

END OF 1ST QUARTER: IND 14 – HOU 7

Patrick

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh….

l4blitzer

Anderson at least forcing a hold

Joe

MJ Stewart making plays

l4blitzer

Hey, another punt coming

Joe

DeMeco Ryans certainly is having early success with his defense

l4blitzer

Woods is the backup punt returner? Ok

Patrick

Richardson’s going to the locker room.

Andy Reid saying “nuggies” is bone-chilling for some reason and I can’t expain why.

l4blitzer

That does give off a creepy vibe

Joe

hahahahhahaha

It really does!

Patrick

GARDNER MINSHEW TIME!!!!

Joe

Oh boy here we go

He’s back in the afc south to kick ass and chew bubblegum

IND POSSESSION

vballretired

Truly Hall of Fame facial hair

Kitchen nightmares only a week and a day away. My life can now end

Rugby scrum play for first down

All penalty defense

Patrick

Richardson being evaluated for concussion per Schefter.

Oh I’m glad I didn’t see that play.

Holy [KITTEN] Stingley, how’d that happen?

vballretired

This is the Texans defense I remember

Patrick

Ugh…

l4blitzer

Ouch

Joe

so much for having fun

ZACH MOSS WITH THE 11 YARD RUSH TD: IND – 21, HOU – 7; 9:43, 2nd

vballretired

Mother kittens

l4blitzer

Tell me again, we thought we might win this one, right?

Joe

I thought that the defense might bait Richardson into some mistakes and stroud would have a good passing game

Too early to tell for stroud but Richardson is currently an impossible problem to solve for the defense

vballretired

Nice throw there

HOU POSSESSION

vballretired

Two good throws from Stroud

Joe

This tank Dell connection is looking good!

l4blitzer

Bad teams with porous defenses seem to make a competitive game

vballretired

Buckle up buccos. At this rate the Cardinals will pick first and second overall with Caleb Williams and Marvin Harrison Jr going to the desert.

Joe

AAAA

Nooo! Not the flag!!!

Booooo

Patrick

You’re fired, VB.

vballretired

Okay, that was nice

l4blitzer

Jones with the lead for douche of the game

vballretired

It was a good run here at BRB

Joe

Robert woods!!!!

AAAA

dreams come true!!!!

l4blitzer

Stroud with the makeup conversion

vballretired

That sucked.

Joe

And we’re getting angry runs from Pierce!

vballretired

That pass intended for Mjnute Bol

Joe

Here we go field goal here we go

vballretired

21-10 Colts following an obligatory field goal

FAIRBAIRN WITH THE 29 YARD FG: HOU 10 – IND 21; 4:25, 2nd

IND POSSESSION

Looks like it is Minshew the rest of the way

vballretired

Can I appeal my termination?

Joe

Alright finally a good play from rankins

Can’t believe Richardson is already gone

vballretired

The perils of being a running quarterback

l4blitzer

Turf gets the assist on the run stop

Joe

Yeah 🙁

Patrick

Two minute warning already

Joe

Dang hasn’t this game only been going on for like an hour

DANGIT

dangit Minshew!

vballretired

This is what happens when a third of your starting defense is already out

l4blitzer

Hmmm…pass defense now optional

Patrick

Inasmuch as it was ever a thing.

vballretired

Either that or Minshew has turned into Johnny Unitas

l4blitzer

Well, the run defense or lack thereof overshadowed it

Joe

Can Minshew chill out oh my goodness

Patrick

There are no bounce passes in the NFL Gardner Minshew.

vballretired

Cricket

Okay, looks like field goal

Nevermind

Patrick

[DURGA] [KITTEN]ing [KITTEN] this pass defense.

Joe

Hahaha

I was about to be mad Patrick but that post just made me actually laugh

vballretired

Okay a few Durgas and kittens never hurt anyone

l4blitzer

Good grief, Russia didn’t surrender this much space against the French in 1812

Patrick

And at least when they did, they did it for a reason.

vballretired

This is WW2 French territory here

Joe

Hahaha

Patrick

Ibid.

l4blitzer

Official Review: Please stand by…Please stand by…Please stand by….

vballretired

Just give it to em

Patrick

Ref: After review, we find the receiver cute but spunky, TD Colts.

Joe

Just gotta prolong this pain is what they’re doing

Patrick

Yup.

Joe

Cute but spunky

Slimy, yet satisfying

Patrick

That was an old Futurama reference for those of you playing along.

I can’t drink, I have to get home at some point.

MINSHEW TD PASS TO GRAYSON; IND 28 – HOU 10; 0:07, 2nd

l4blitzer

Vandermeer and Ware about to crucify the defense…they ain’t wrong

Joe

Im sorry I took it to the lion king

HOU POSSESSION

Patrick

Nah, hey, you go where you take it, man, it’s all good.

Except for the score.

Joe

Hahaha

HALFTIME: EX-BALTIMORE 28 – CURRENT HOUSTON 10.

HALFTIME REACTIONS (spoiler alert…ain’t gonna have a lot of positives)

vballretired

I start half time thoughts early. Early in the season it can be hard to decipher between who is really good and who is really bad. The Colts were my preseason pick in 2022 to win the division. So maybe they are just better than advertised. I mean what is the alternative? Can the Texans be this awful after an off-season of optimism? Stroud again has looked good when he has time but this running game is pure kittens and he often doesn’t have time to throw. Again does that mean the Colts are really good or the Texans are really bad? Sadly we won’t know that answer until mid season.

Patrick

I had been joking earlier that if the NFL script is being produced by Keegan Michael Key then the Texans script is being done by Jordan Peele.

I spoke erroneously. If they did bring a director specifically for the Texans season, you can only conclude that it’s the work of either Lars von Trier or Todd Solendz.

If you want to google their filmographies, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

vballretired

Or do we just jump to AI for this script

l4blitzer

Coming into this game, the weakest link for the Texans figured to be the Offensive line, with all the critical injuries. They have certainly had their issues (reference the two critical sacks on Stroud), but they haven’t been the problem. The Texans Defense, which had a decent accounting in Baltimore, has been the weakest link. Missing your starting safeties doesn’t help, but the D-line is not coming anywhere close to putting any pressure on the Colts, the LBs are getting sliced and diced by the RBs and other pass catchers, and the remaining DBs…well, yeah. Nice to see Stroud have his moments, but home field disadvantage is alive and well in Houston, this time at NRG

vballretired

I sincerely apologize for the Cardinals quip, I should have known that a dose of realism was unwarranted and pain inducing

Patrick

Reality is not our friend. Never was.

l4blitzer

I’m half tempted to get back to my CISSP studying. Still, my long-term Texans fandom is overwhelming my rationality here.

vballretired

#Bartesian is our only friend

Patrick

CISSP?

l4blitzer

Certified Information Systems Security Professional

Part of the great career shift

vballretired

My studying days are over

Patrick

Eric M****y out with a concussion. I’m not sure if this is bad news or not.

vballretired

So in your expert opinion has the Texans defense been hacked?

l4blitzer

I am not so sure the Texans defense ever had effective security controls in place to start

Patrick

And if they have, how do we turn them off and back on again?

vballretired

They need a new username and password

l4blitzer

We’ve been rebooting for 4 straight seasons…I think we have bigger systemic issues

vballretired

Sadly “12345” was not the best password they could come up with

Patrick

Cal McNair: That’s amazing that’s the same combination as my luggage!

l4blitzer

::leaves chat to immediately change the luggage and bank password::

vballretired

Beat me to it Patrick

Patrick

.hack/Texans/Password/OopsieDoodles.sigh

vballretired

That play needs to be scrubbed from the playbook

Patrick

Who would’ve thought the game would’ve hinged on Richardson staying in? Like we’d be worse without him playing QB for the Colts?

HOU POSSESSION

Patrick

Now that’s a hot way to start the 2nd half

vballretired

That’s what happens when you have a real backup

Collins having a nice day

Joe

Here we go!

I was about to be so annoyed if the Texans had a -3 yard drive to start the 2nd half

l4blitzer

That’ll do Collins…that’ll do

Houston moved quick to negate any review on the Collins catch

Joe

They still really wanna run

Patrick

BBoy I hope that didn’t count.

His knee is down.

Joe

Oh thank goodness

vballretired

First down Texans

Joe

Oh my goodness they need to chill out with these fumbles

l4blitzer

Play Under Review: Please stand by…Please stand by

Joe

Jeez we gotta go to commercial break for this???

l4blitzer

The Shield will never miss a chance for money

vballretired

I predict turnover on downs

[KITTEN]

l4blitzer

All that…and wiped out by 12 men on the field for the Ponies

Joe

Baby I hear the blues are calling!!!!

vballretired

Stroud might not survive this game

l4blitzer

The boxes that contain anti-virus software are offering more protection than the Texans O-line today

Patrick

[DURGA] [KITTEN]ing [KITTEN].

vballretired

Good lord, that looked like a Rich Kotite offense

l4blitzer

Don’t say the name…you might give Cal some ideas

vballretired

Isn’t he dead?

Patrick

If there’s anything in this world I truly believe, it’s that Cal McNair doesn’t get ideas.

l4blitzer

All the more reason that Cal would consider it

IND POSSESSION

vballretired

My Alexa device says Kotite is dead

l4blitzer

Couldn’t have a worse day coaching the Oline than our current, alive staff

Patrick

According to google he’s still alive. He’s 80.

vballretired

Dueling AI [Ed Note: All source indicate that yes, Rich Kotite is in fact, alive].

l4blitzer

Although, I think Kotite is more impressive than we give him credit for…he successfully alienated the Eagles and Jets fanbases, which to survive one is impressive enough, but to get the chance to tick off BOTH of them…and live…that takes skill

vballretired

It takes something

Patrick

Sigh…

l4blitzer

I’m not sure who has had a worse weekend tackling, the Vols or the Texans?

vballretired

Is Matt Stevens available?

Patrick

Matt Stevens will not be taking our calls.

l4blitzer

I guess we should be lucky TY Hilton isn’t around…he’d be up to 200 yards receiving by now

…and Stingley is down

vballretired

We are scraping bottom barrel on DBs. Who was that scrub corner we picked in the first round years ago?

Johnson I think

Patrick

Kevin Johnson?

vballretired

That’s the one

We should call him

A third down!!!!!!!!

Patrick

We’d probably have better luck with him than Stevens. Although if we tell him we’re under new management he might be willing to listen.

l4blitzer

He actually grew up close to where I am now

vballretired

Fourth and short

They are going for it

Patrick

Tried to draw them offsides, I think.

Joe

oh no

thank goodness

vballretired

Field goal…cowards

Joe

this pass defense isn’t having a good day

Patrick

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, don’t give them ideas!

l4blitzer

Surprise, surprise, OBJ is out again due an injury. Couldn’t happen last week, but c’est la Texans

Patrick

Think of it this way: had OBJ gotten hurt, the second coming of Jerry Rice would’ve filled in for him somehow.

GAY WITH THE 42 YARD FG; IND 31- HOU 10; 5:50, 3rd

Patrick

See, for example: today’s game.

l4blitzer

True, the Texans can make any Joe Schmo receiver look good. However, the city of Baltimore hasn’t seen a legit good receiver in uniform since Raymond Berry

vballretired

Boys, looking for positives will be a challenge today

vballretired

Taylor just fell off his couch

l4blitzer

Try not to think of looking for positives…that is impossible. Just remember…there are no positives.

Patrick

Camera cut to a dude with a Texans towel covering his face and I just thought “you and me both, brother.”

vballretired

Penalty on Colts following a nine yard run

HOU POSSESSION

Joe

they just showed a graphic with a caption stating Houston’s last home win was Dec 2021

vballretired

Welcome Dalton Schultz

Patrick

In fact, I think I was AT the last Texans home win they had.

Joe

patrick you gotta start going back

we’re approaching 2 years since then

vballretired

I’ve never attended a Texans game in person

l4blitzer

You should make the Texans an offer to attend the game for the promise of victory

Never attended a Texans game in person at home

vballretired

That will work once

Joe

they should pay you to be there!

Patrick

Two things: 1) Pay me and I’ll go. And 2) I was at the Chiefs game last year so I am definitely not the X-factor here.

Joe

they were good in that chiefs game though!

what if you bring the spicy

l4blitzer

But that one was more competitive than this…thing

vballretired

First down again

Patrick

You should. Despite the on-field product, it’s still a fun time.

l4blitzer

Maybe at some point.

vballretired

Drop by Schultz

Collins have yourself a day

Patrick

Collins is looking like a player.

vballretired

Very nice to Dell on the sideline

Joe

Lets go Collins! I’m really happy to see him continuing to improve year after year

vballretired

Looks like a solid number two at the very worst

Joe

If we get one good player out of that 2021 draft I’ll be happy

l4blitzer

Texans matriculating that ball down the field

Patrick

Do we need to talk about Dameon Pierce yet?

Joe

alright! offsides indy!

vballretired

Fant injured again

Patrick

Oh great, now Fant is hurt too.

Joe

oh no

is there any tackles left?

vballretired

Deculus

Joe

oh no

what about zierer?

vballretired

Light my fire?

Patrick

Technically yes, we have backups. Are any of them better than just leaving the spot empty? Debatable.

l4blitzer

NRG Intercomm: “Attention please…all personnel over 300 lbs, please report to the field…all 300-pounders, please report to the field”

Patrick

See, this is a game where I would be able to contribute.

vballretired

Don’t discriminate. They’ll take 250 if they can get it

END OF 3RD: IND 31 – HOU 10 (but the Oxen are inside the Irsay 5)

Joe

I hope we get to see Kilian Zeirer

l4blitzer

Ah, the modern game, rare is the team with tackles under 300

vballretired

We can Buck that trend

Patrick

Wait, wait, don’t tell me: turnover.

That’s clearly not going to count.

vballretired

Watching this running game is like watching a bunch of [SOCIAL MEDIA OWNERS] trying to [KITTEN] a doorknob

l4blitzer

RED ZONE only went to the Texans game because the team was inside the 5.

Joe

PELASE BE PENALTY AGAINST INDY

NOOOO

boooo!!!!

Patrick

How many sacks is that now?

l4blitzer

Looks like the Texans will get another chance to excel on goal-to-go situations

vballretired

Four

Patrick

Getting to Carr-ian levels of [KITTEN], this line.

vballretired

Not going for it from the 18?

Joe

oh [DURGA]

this is the line that makes you [KITTEN] your pants

vballretired

Well we did score nine points last week. Improvement?

Patrick

Hey, some of our points came from a real, live touchdown, so yeah, TOTES IMPROVED.

FAIRBARIN WITH THE 36 YARD FG: HOU – 13, IND – 31; 13:24, 4th

l4blitzer

I’ve seen flag football lines offer better pass protection than the Texans’ iteration today

vballretired

A Panda Express commercial feels oddly appropriate

l4blitzer

And the Ravens apparently don’t need OBJ for receiving TDs.

IND POSSESSION

vballretired

It’s a third down!!!!!!

l4blitzer

Huh…some run stuffing…nice switch

vballretired

All hail penalty defense

Oh my durga a punt!!!!

HOU POSSESSION

vballretired

Why does X now refer me to stupid tweets (or is it Xs?)

l4blitzer

I’m still calling ‘em tweets. Musk ain’t paying me enough to say otherwise.

Patrick

I’ll be [DURGA][KITTEN]ed if I ever call it X. It’s Twitter.

vballretired

Well they are running Pierce a lot

Joe

yea i dont wanna call it x its too lame

Patrick

MY ONE BIT OF HAPPINESS FOR THE DAY!!!!

l4blitzer

Of course, if #Bartesian paid us in free gear or money, I’ll gladly call them “Bartesians” [ED Note: Seriously Bartesian, I would do that…for that offer. Let’s deal…]

Patrick

NEVER MIND HE WAS OUT.

vballretired

It’s like they know “this will [KITTEN] him off”

Joe

SHOOT

still a good play!

l4blitzer

Ware’s been screaming for a hurry up offense for at least 30 minutes

vballretired

Mr. December with a catch

Patrick

Welcome to the season Brevin Jordan

TANK!!!!

vballretired

Tank Dell!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joe

alright!!!!

WOOOOO

vballretired

Boy if we only had Noah Brown (rolls eyes)

Joe

2 touchdowns for cj stroud!!!

Patrick

FAN BRAWL AT THE TEXANS GAME!

CJ STROUD TO TANK DELL FOR THE 23 YARD TD; HOU 20 – IND 31; 9:48, 4th

l4blitzer

Awww….now why isn’t Red Zone cutting to THAT

vballretired

Sign some of those to block

IND POSSESSION

l4blitzer

Anderson sighting…albeit after an 8 yard run…but an Anderson sighting

Joe

man the defensive line needs to get more pressure

theyve been getting pushed around all game

vballretired

Third down!!!!!!!!

Joe

here we go!

vballretired

Punt!!!!!!!

Patrick

Don’t you dare give me hope, Texans, that’s not funny.

l4blitzer

That’s how they get you hooked

vballretired

Oh you tricky bastards

Joe

please dont go for it!

just punt!

oh man

heart attack central

l4blitzer

Ryans got outcoached on that one…some inexperience there

vballretired

Ok, if we score, get an onside kick then…..

Joe

another fast score and we have a chance

need to score in like 2-3 minutes though

im just happy the texans are playing complementary football

vballretired

A very special Fansville

Joe

i cant remember the last time ive seen their offense come to life in desperation

vballretired

I think that expression should be retired. Not because it’s horrible but because Billy O overused it.

l4blitzer

Yeah…I got a bit of a tic when I saw that phrase…now our obligatory [KITTEN] you BO’B portion of the ‘Dog

Joe

hahaha

vballretired

Ok, running it is just a waste of time

Joe

what is the two runs???

vballretired

Nice second down play on third down

Joe

what are they doing???

vballretired

Nice play by Stroud

Joe

man oh man

rip my heart out

great throw

l4blitzer

Hmmm…this Stroud fellow…there is some potential there.

vballretired

Yup

Collins and Stroud….like whiskey and soda

Patrick

::watches Gallant (Stroud) throw the ball away rather than take the sack::

::watches Goofus (Geno Smith) take a 20 yard sack with the ball::

Joe

Hahaha

l4blitzer

At least the throwaway went out of bounds…a QB that can learn quickly in-game…we really haven’t seen that in a while

Joe

maybe this stroud is pretty good………..

i love him sorry

vballretired

Schultz finally getting involved

Joe

ITS HAPPENING

vballretired

There’s the line again

l4blitzer

Did Collins drink some essence of Andre Johnson or something? Dude ballin’ [ED note: Initially, the system auto-corrected to Andrew Johnson. In the interest of amusement, the following conversation focusing on that error will remain in the HOTD]

Patrick

Andrew Johnson?!

Joe

AKJDFGJKLASKJLG

l4blitzer

[KITTEN]ed auto-correct

Andrew Johnson…he would be staggering around drunk and getting impeached

vballretired

Well it was good while it lasted

Patrick

I was about to say, how could former president Andrew Johnson possibly make this worse?

vballretired

He’d find a way

Patrick

vballretired

Repeat a [KITTEN]ty field goal

Joe

Well [KITTEN]!

vballretired

Well [KITTEN]

Patrick

[DURGA] [KITTEN]ing [KITTEN] (reprise) [image]

l4blitzer

Ah, Texans still the 2020s Texans

vballretired

Looked like one of my seven irons

Joe

LMAO

man after all that

poor texans

FAIRBARIN MISSED THE 51 YD FG. IND BALL

vballretired

Why are we on Fox two weeks in a row? Did they lose a coin flip?

l4blitzer

Frank Ross gonna put some guys in a chokehold in the film sessions this week

TWO MINUTE WARNING

l4blitzer

OT in Detroit

Wait, not a sack…just stopped Minshew on a run

vballretired

Yeah, this one was a coaching clinic by Steichen

Patrick

As I recall during the offseason they got rid of the whole NFC = Fox AFC = CBS thing so now it’s anything goes.

l4blitzer

a Ponies/Oxen matchup…yeah, Fox must have drawn the short straw to get that one.

vballretired

Have yourself a day Nico Collins

Mr. December with two catches in September

l4blitzer

Nuk moving the ball for the BE-SFs in OT

vballretired

I feel like if you got this effort from Stroud independent of the other [KITTEN] you’d be happy

Alright, Metchie with a catch

Of course it ends with a sack

l4blitzer

Well, the O-line had to make this their “signature” game. And they did

FINAL: IND 31 – HOU 20. THE TEXANS WITH THEIR 8TH STRAIGHT HOME LOSS AND 10TH STRAIGHT NON-WINNING HOME DATE.

Joe

This game was rough at the beginning, but the offense gave it at least somewhat of a positive spin at the end

vballretired

Agreed. The good ended up being Nico and Tank along with CJ. The bad and ugly happened in the trenches and on defense.

GAME BALLS: Nico Collins. Coming into the season, much discussion centered on who was the top WR on the team. Between aging vets, rookies and a bunch of guys in the WR room, no one appeared more likely to stand out than the other. Enter Nico Collins. Between injury and ineffectiveness of the offense, Collins had yet to produce even to justify the 2021 draft day moves Caserio, et al made to get him. However, Collins had himself a game today. 7 receptions for 146 yards and a TD. Also, that performance was consistent, with 3 receptions for 60 yards and the TD in the 1st half (5 for 76 in the 2nd half), which didn’t include a 28 yard 3rd down conversion wiped out by penalty. If this was a breakout game, that will be huge for Stroud and the Texans.

SHOULD BE FORCED TO CLEAN UP THE MESS AFTER AN ALL-NIGHT DRINKING AND TWITTER BENDER BY JIM IRSAY: The offensive and defensive line of the Houston Texans. For the Oline, one could say that it should be graded on a curve, given that 4 of 5 projected starters were out for this game. However, the NFL is all about results, and the Oline did much…to help the Colts. Stroud was sacked 6 times (including the early sack/fumble that set the Colts up for the quick 14-0 lead), and pressured so many more times. Unfortunately, the pressure came from all over, not just the suspect right side. Houston could only rush for 52 yards, making Stroud’s performance that much more impressive. Pierce struggled and was at time indecisive, but the poor Oline play was a key factor.

Yet, the Dline played just as poorly. No sacks on either Richardson or Minshew and the Colts’ rushing game gashed Houston for 126 yards on the ground. While better than the 2022 standard, the lack of any push up front left gapping holes at the LB and DB level of the defense, which weren’t helped by missing key starters in the back 7. Especially after the performance in Baltimore, the Dline was seen as a potential strength coming into this game. The Colts’ Oline played to their potential, but this was a massive step back for this young team.

Still, the Texans get to try again for win #1 as they hit the road next week, visiting the usually “friendly” confines of EverBank Stadium in Jacksonville to face off against the Jaguars with kickoff slated for noon CDT next Sunday.

Originally posted on Battle Red Blog – All Posts