Hair of the Dog: Week 4, Pittsburgh Steelers vs Houston Texans

Where the Y’alls hosted the Yinzers

Ah yes, a 24-point home demolition of the Pittsburgh Steelers, with CJ Stroud again going for over 300 yards, two TD and no INTs and the Texans rushing for 139 yards as a team, with Pierce accounting for 81 of those. Throw in a defense that forced one INT (probably should have had another for a scoop-and-score) and held Pittsburgh to six total points. Yep, exactly like we all…oh, who am I kidding??? A 30-6 Squashing of the Steelers, on a day when Terrible Towels vastly out-numbered any Houston accoutrements? Even with JJ Watt entering the Ring of Honor, a wire-to-wire Texans beatdown was hardly on anyone’s bingo card for this game.

All of this with an offensive line primarily staffed by backups. Granted, Howard, Scruggs and Tunsil should return soon, but then again, do we need them to? Well, yes, we do, but this team is straight up balling right now. Can you think of the last time the Texans went back-to-back games with wire-to-wire leads? Then again, for a team that has gone over a full NFL season without a home win, you have to take what you can. Maybe this is a mirage, and the Texans fall back into suckitude, but if they do, it won’t be for long, and the outlook for this team, even this season, is shaping up nicely.

Clearly, your Battle Red Masthead had their real-time takes of this decimation. All questionable works have been replaced for reading in mixed company. Coupled with the Astros winning the AL West (just like we all figured they would…okay, maybe not on the last day of the season and winning 16 games less than last year, but the result is the same), this was quite the Sunday for Houston pro sports.

With that, on with the ‘Dog:

HAIR OF THE DOG: VOLUME 21, ISSUE 4, PITTSBURGH STEELERS @ HOUSTON TEXANS (or where the Y’alls host the Yinzers)

vballretired

Every week we’ve been delivering the same message about #Bartesian. Yet, for the first time since 2019 there is real life optimism surrounding this team. That’s an even better reason to enjoy #Bartesian. Mix yourself a cocktail and bask in the glow of unbridled optimism with C.J. Stroud at quarterback. Will he win today? Quite frankly we aren’t sure but it sure as heck will be entertaining. Whiskey, tequila, rum, gin, and vodka sitting pretty in your liquor cabinet? Put that stuff to good use with #Bartesian. It mixes dozens of different cocktails flawlessly as you prepare to feel good about rooting for your team for the first time this Olympiad. We at BRB always want to remind you to drink responsibly and please don’t drive after enjoying #Bartesian

l4blitzer

The whole Toy Story broadcast hasn’t been all that bad actually. Probably more entertaining than watching the actual teams play live. Quite a few tech glitches, but I’ll give good marks for effort and intent.

(Side note: NFL/Disney, you can send the endorsement money direct to my account. Thank you)

vballretired

One of my wife’s coworkers is from England. Apparently they really do like American football. I never would have guessed.

Patrick

Watson’s out today. Good. Screw him.

vballretired

He seems stiffer these days. Must be hard finding good massage people when you can’t use IG.

Joe

it’s almost time!!!

i feel partially guilty about this game since i grew up a steelers fan and still am one but im rooting for the texans in this game more

Patrick

I was about to ask how conflicted you’re feeling today.

Joe

very conflicted

and guilty about all of it

Patrick

See, this is why you need to split them between an AFC and NFC team, that way you only feel that conflict once every four years or so.

Joe

but ive fallen hard for the texans this year so im rooting for them

Patrick

Good answer.

Joe

that would be so much better

cj stroud is just too famous i cant help it

how do you feel about geno smith speaking of which

vballretired

Yeah, secondary favorites (like the Saints) are so much easier in the NFC

Patrick

I’m surprised he’s doing as well as he has these last couple of years. To be honest I haven’t been following the Seahawks as much these days as I used to. But they look like they might be very bitey this year.

And I’ve kind of adopted the Lions as my pet team this year just because I want to see them do well for once.

vballretired

My Alexa just told me five times that Carr is playing today. I wasn’t sure so I’m glad she reminded me

Patrick

Thank goodness, with Jameis I’d say they were DOA today.

vballretired

I’m sticking with Saints as team two. It just makes married life more pleasant

Patrick

JJ!

vballretired

Yup

Patrick

Hero of Texans Football J.J. Watt.

vballretired

We get the ball first

FIRST QUARTER

TEXANS LOSE TOSS, WILL RECEIVE

TEXANS POSSESSION

vballretired

Nice return by Singletary

Joe

Here we go!!!

and in the battle red!

Patrick

Other than Beck’s return last week that’s the best return I’ve seen from this team in a while.

Joe

yeah see i have to root for the texans

vballretired

Deculus starting at left tackle…..Ugggg

Joe

the devin singletary effect

Patrick

Shaq Mason and The Expendables for the offensive line, Durga help us.

Joe

hahaha

it is austin deculus!

hahahahahaha

oh man

vballretired

Kendrick Green at guard?

Patrick

Yeah he’s been at guard.

Joe

well you know he had…some good snaps during the preseason…

Patrick

Oooooooooooooooooh, Dameon!

Joe

WOOO

Patrick

That was sexy.

vballretired

Pierce!!!!!!!

Joe

here we go with the blocking!!!

andrew beck has already been worth all the money the texans paid him

vballretired

Gee run to the left not as effective….Shocked

Patrick

I wonder why.

vballretired

First down Stroud run

Patrick

[DURGA] I love we have a mobile quarterback.

Joe

oh man

vballretired

No galloping giraffe?

Joe

yeah he doesnt have that neck but stroud definitely makes it look good

he makes it look so effortless

Patrick

Was that a screen that worked?!

Joe

LETS GOOOO

dameon pierce!!!!

vballretired

First and inches though

Patrick

Could be worse.

I had to say something.

vballretired

You are kittening me. False start?

Patrick

Thanks Shaq, I didn’t want the touchdown there.

Joe

oh no

Patrick

There it is.

vballretired

Another flag

Joe

YOU CANT BE SERIOUS

vballretired

Back to back flags on Mason

Patrick

OH COME ON.

Joe

youve got to be kidding

vballretired

They are going to kitten this up

Joe

okay well we knew tj watt was gonna show up at some point

vballretired

Flag on them

Patrick

Oh [DURGA] what now.

Finally.

Joe

come on dpi!

finally is right!

so many yellow flags you’d think the refs were steelers fans

FINALLY

and it’s collins!

Patrick

FINALLY!

That took way longer than it should’ve.

STROUD TO COLLINS FOR THE TEXANS TOUCHDOWN. TEXANS LEAD 7-0.

STEELERS POSSESSION

Joe

interested to see how this defense handles friermuth and pickens

Patrick

I didn’t realize last week was Pickett’s first game with more than one TD pass.

Joe

come on to’oto’o!!!

Patrick

Good stop Toots.

Joe

yeah he’s had a slow start

Patrick

Is he a good QB? I know so little about him.

Joe

he had several solid games to finish his rookie 2022 season, when the blocking got good and najee harris started playing better, but he hasn’t lived up to high expectations this year so far

obviously he can also scramble a little bit

Patrick

Solid tackle there.

Sigh…and then there’s the defense…

Joe

yep

HERE WE GO

Patrick

Jerry Hughes, y’all.

He is that guy.

Joe

the hughes renaissance

INTERCEPTED

Patrick

PICK! PICK! PICK!

Joe

LETS GOOOOO

WOOOOO

vballretired

Officials being paid by the flag

Touchdown until a flag ruins it

Let the Bartesian flow boys

Pick by Nelson

Just a bunch of flags from these contract flag throwers

STEVEN NELSON PICKS OFF PICKETT, TEXANS POSSESSION

vballretired

Well look at this

Bobby Slowik is a wizard

Joe

deculus making plays!!! hahaha

what is going on!

vballretired

First down

Patrick

I don’t know and I’m not asking a lot of questions either.

Joe

like this line is doing the work right now and i dont understand how that’s possible

vballretired

They all get paid

Patrick

Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaank

Joe

they’ve certainly gotten better game after game

vballretired

Another jet sweep to Dell

First down pass

Joe

WOO

Patrick

I do not recognize this team and I cannot begin to tell you how happy that makes me.

Joe

nice throw!

hahaha

vballretired

Almost picked there

Joe

oh man

Patrick

Whew, that was close.

Joe

that made my heart stop

vballretired

Another five yards to Pierce

Joe

great to see pierce making a big difference this season

vballretired

Ok, here comes the Hawaiian

Joe

that’s okay

3 points is still good

vballretired

10-0 Texans

FAIRBAIRN WITH THE 36 YARD FIELD GOAL. TEXANS LEAD 10-0

Joe

what a start

vballretired

I don’t think these lineman are so much playing well as this coaching staff is calling plays they can execute. Insane isn’t it?

I mean running an offense your guys can run and not basing everything on your opponent. Revolutionary

Patrick

What, you mean forcing an offensive scheme designed for Tom Brady and only Tom Brady for nearly a decade wasn’t a good idea?

STEELERS POSSESSION

vballretired

Shocking

Patrick

Incomplete

That’s should be incomplete.

TOOTS!

Joe

i think the scheme is helping but these linemen are playing great pierce isnt getting touched until he’s well past the line of scrimmage

vballretired

Wow

Joe

and now to’oto’o is making plays!

toots

vballretired

And they are punting

Joe

lets goooo

Patrick

I swear if To’oTo’o pans out, this could be in the running for best draft class in team history.

Joe

good pressure by toots

Joe

i think you might be right

and if perryman and cashman turn out to be good linebacks for a couple years

vballretired

If Christian Harris could pick it up…

Joe

2023 could be like the year the roster was really assembled

exactly

he’s the missing puzzle piece

if he pans out this team can really get things going

then we just have to sign D.J. Reader and bring him back

vballretired

I don’t know about THE piece but certainly A piece

Joe

it would so cool to see three alabama linebackers all playing well on the houston defense

it’s like what the eagles are doing with georgia defenders

whoops

TEXANS POSSESSION

vballretired

Man Denver sucks

Whoever actually made the decision to do that Russell Wilson should have to go into exile

Joe

woooo!!!

vballretired

Nice, welcome to the game Schultz

Patrick

::as Colonel Klink:: SCHULTZ!

SECOND QUARTER

Joe

lets go Schultz!!!

vballretired

Pierce!!!!!!!!

Joe

WOOOO

here we go with pierce again!!

this team is on fire

Patrick

For those of you under the age of 70, Hogan’s Heroes was a TV sitcom about prisoners in a Nazi POW camp run by Colonel Klink and his hapless sidekick Schultz.

Joe

hahaha what

this actually sounds kinda interesting

vballretired

The NFL Network should do a fantasy island concept with failed executives. Could you imagine OBrien, Matt Milan, and John Elway?

vballretired

Oh I remember

Patrick

Oh it’s very real. It was back in the 60s I think.

Just don’t google Bob Crane, who was the star of the show. Or if you do, do it on incognito mode.

Joe

aw man

vballretired

Okay, another field goal attempt

l4blitzer

Meanwhile, I see the Y’all’s are putting it to the Yinzers

Joe

that’s okay another field goal

yeah the texans are having one heck of a start

vballretired

I thought of sporting a monacle for awhile

FAIRBAIRN FIELD GOAL. TEXANS LEAD 13-0

Patrick

I’m so confused.

Joe

me too

Patrick

Y’all 13 – Yinz 0

Joe

this wasn’t how the script was supposed to go

Yinz is still cool though because it ends in a Z

l4blitzer

May yet happen…these are the Texans, but I am not complaining

Patrick

Shhhhhhhhhh, don’t give them ideas.

vballretired

Apparently their running attacks sucks more than our running defense

Joe

the ghost of bill o’brien haunts these halls…

l4blitzer

Too jaded from the Easterby error to be totally thrilled at this time

vballretired

Oh add Easterby to that Fantasy Island concept

l4blitzer

Meanwhile, shootout in Buffalo…last team with the ball wins?

vballretired

Could you imagine…”oh [KITTEN] boss, de plane de plane.”

PIT POSSESSION

Patrick

I don’t understand any of this and I don’t care.

Joe

DYLAN HORTON!!!

lets gooo!!!

is this a dream???

is it christmas????

l4blitzer

…and the Bungles going with the 2021 playoff playbook of letting Burrow get smashed to near death and win it late

vballretired

Ok, third and long

Patrick

I’ll take fourth down.

vballretired

That floated in the air a long time

l4blitzer

Freemoose not running like a free moose at the moment

Patrick

Shaq Griffin, y’all.

Joe

shaq griffin being famous

vballretired

The Shaqs have figured prominently

Joe

more 2023 money being spent well

Patrick

I love that it’s calm in the stands. The Steelers fans can’t believe what’s happening and the Texans fans are all waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Joe

hahaha

vballretired

No kidding

Joe

these are the truly special football games

l4blitzer

Our fans…battle-tested with disappointment for football…and usually most other sports

HOU POSSESSION

vballretired

It’s advanced PTSD

l4blitzer

Da Bears nearly derp a flea-flicker…and still get the chunk play. LOLBroncos _efense in effect

Patrick

Oh look! Heritage Plaza, a noted building in Dallas according to the Rangers.

vballretired

Great catch by Collins

Patrick

Man, Nico’s making some great catches today.

Joe

collins so good

im so happy he’s playing well

l4blitzer

Mayfield may have gotten hurt on that TD pass…arguably the easiest of his and the receiver’s career

vballretired

Wait we can do effective screens? What?!!!!

Patrick

Did it go to Evans, at least?

vballretired

Singletary in this series

l4blitzer

Otten (88)

vballretired

Schultz

Patrick

SCHULTZ!

l4blitzer

Wait, what is going on with all of these effective screens? You…you can do that?

vballretired

I’m not screaming it unless it goes for a first down

Joe

lets get more touches to singletary

vballretired

Fourth down

Patrick

I legitimately can’t remember when the last time we ran a screen successfully was prior to this game.

Joe

heck i mean another field goal isnt awful

Patrick

Hell, they might go for it.

Joe

if you score every possession in the first half that’s one heck of a cushion

vballretired

Let’s kittening go!!!!

Joe

here we go

l4blitzer

Rams taking it to the Ponies….20-0…

vballretired

My fantasy options at QB were Massage Boy and Richardson

l4blitzer

Oops

Patrick

Mine were Trevor Lawrence and Desmond Ridder.

TIMEOUT HOU

vballretired

Well I heavily invested in receivers and backs

Patrick

[KITTEN]

Joe

NOOOOOO

No!!!!

vballretired

Bad call on fourth down

Patrick

Underthrown.

l4blitzer

Threat of pressure on that one…maybe not the best call with this second-string line.

FAILED FOURTH DOWN FOR HOU; PIT POSSESSION

Patrick

I appreciate the willingness to go for it though.

vballretired

Yeah, can’t argue with it

l4blitzer

Don’t mind going for it, but have to think of what you have at Oline, and what the Steelers have on D

Patrick

Mathematically it made sense, just needed a little more oomph on that pass.

l4blitzer

Wow…we are ticked about a 4th down play call….are we….are we starting to like, actually care about the on-field product??? It’s been so long

vballretired

Here they come

Patrick

To be fair, we’ve been ticked about other fourth down plays, but the WTF quotient on this one was way lower than usual.

Also good

vballretired

Intended for Phil Sideline

Third and long

Joe

4th and short

vballretired

Do they go for it?

Joe

I hope not

vballretired

Punting

Patrick

See, last season, if the Steelers had run that play, I would’ve expected at least a 15 yard gain for a first down.

They wouldn’t dare in their own territory.

vballretired

I would have expected a fourth down attempt last year. We couldn’t stop anyone from gaining two yards

l4blitzer

BE-SFs running all over the Bengals…literally

HOU POSSESSION

vballretired

Everybody 2-2?

Definitely a four way tie for last

Patrick

So we went from having TVs in the seat backs on planes to using personal devices back to TVs in seat backs on planes.

MAKE UP YOUR [KITTEN] MIND AIRLINES!

l4blitzer

3 Teams in the AFC South finish next to last and the Ponies finish second in their game…checks out

vballretired

United Airlines are scumbags

Patrick

Aw [KITTEN]

vballretired

Mr December with the flag

Patrick

Dammit Jordan.

l4blitzer

Refs gotta keep limber

vballretired

Flag quota reached

Metchie!!!!!!

Patrick

Metchie!

Er’rybody contributing today!

l4blitzer

Meanwhile, the Broncos showing defensive improvement…only 21 first half points given up right now

Patrick

It’s like they read VB’s post on Caserio and said “oh yeah, bet.”

vballretired

Get some high knees from Wilson on the plane ride back

Patrick

I think Pierce just levitated off the field on that run.

vballretired

I see your Hopkins and raise you a Wilson

First punt of the day

Ok, pinned them inside the 20

PIT POSSESSION

vballretired

Last week with the backup punter

l4blitzer

Are the Vikings about to take the lead for the #1 pick

vballretired

If the Jags move permanently to London are they still South?

l4blitzer

Is Wembley “South London?”

vballretired

Third down

Patrick

[DURGA] I hope not, I don’t want the Texans to have to go to London once every year.

vballretired

Flag down

Patrick

Crap, that’s gonna be DPI

Which sucks because that was a great pick.

l4blitzer

Of course it was DPI…of course

vballretired

Somehow Bears fans will take this Fields performance and somehow buy in on greatness

Joe

GREENARD

the best texans game ever????

vballretired

Another sack by Greenard. Is that two today?

Patrick

Not even close, but definitely the best in a long time.

l4blitzer

For the team I think

Patrick

Or at least the best first half in a long time.

Offsides.

l4blitzer

Fins imploding in Buffalo…guess football is a lot tougher when you don’t play Denver

Joe

hahaha

vballretired

No flags no flags no flags….oh [KITTEN] a whammy

Joe

jeez

Patrick

[KITTEN] Collins

They don’t need our help, guys.

vballretired

Ok, dammit another flag

Joe

no!

Patrick

[KITTEN] me what now?

vballretired

Okay that works

Patrick

I’ll take it.

OPI

vballretired

It’s all about the flag quota

l4blitzer

Script writers realized they can’t slant EVERYTHING towards PIT

Joe

oh my!! another opi call!

muth!!!!!

vballretired

Fourth down

Patrick

Puntin’ time.

vballretired

No whammies no whammies no whammies

Patrick

Ask for Christian Harris and ye shall receive.

Joe

how many yards do the steelers even have

vballretired

That would be a Press My Luck reference for the younger fans

Patrick

I looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooved that show as a kid.

l4blitzer

Didn’t they bring that back for a summer filler show a couple of years ago with Elizabeth Banks?

vballretired

They did

Patrick

53 total yards for the Steelers.

Joe

me too haha i loved that and chain reaction

vballretired

The original was better

Patrick

Yeah, multiple seasons, in fact.

HOU POSSESSION

Joe

thats just fantastic

chefs kiss for demeco ryans and his staff

Patrick

Yeah, it’s not the same but the new one is still fun to watch.

Joe

OH MY [DURGA]

vballretired

Holy cow!

Joe

AAAAA

vballretired

Timeouts would be nice around now

l4blitzer

Derrick Henry with a TD pass. HOU fans all get bad flashbacks

vballretired

Another nice play to Collins

Patrick

Field goal coming

l4blitzer

Matriculating that ball down the field…yes please

Patrick

16-0.

vballretired

Okay, who had 16-0 in the office pool?

Joe

this is the best first half i think ive ever seen from the texans while writing for battle red blog

i dont think there’s been so much celebration in the hair of the dog chat since before 2020

Patrick

And that might very well be, it’s been a long time since they’ve looked this competent on both sides of the ball.

FAIRBARIN WITH THE 39 YARD FG. HALFTIME: HOU 16 – PIT 0. Yes, that is the correct score for the Hou home team

HALFTIME REACTIONS

l4blitzer

Figured coming into this game that the Steelers defense would be the main story, feasting on the Texans’ injury-depleted Oline. Yet, it is the Texans offense negating much of the Steeler PASS Rush and the Texans D making life Hades for the Steelers offense. Arguably the Texans should be up more than by 16 and it is possible that the team will regret only getting FGs, but you couldn’t ask for a better start if you are Houston

vballretired

Okay, first half thoughts. Part of this is excitement given what we’ve been through the last several seasons. Another part is thinking it should be 24-0 or better. Some of those field goals could have been touchdowns. The only debate is which unit has been most impressive. I’ll vote defense but the offense with THIS line is [KITTEN]ed impressive.

Patrick

I’m going to say the same thing I told Mrs. UT earlier today: I do not recognize this Houston Texans team and that is the highest compliment I can pay them. The offense has been able to move the ball almost at will, the defense has made timely plays to keep the Steelers down to 53 total yards in the first half.

I’ll say it again for the people in the back: THE STEELERS ONLY HAVE 53 TOTAL YARDS ON OFFENSE.

I don’t know how they’re doing it or if someone on the Steelers ran over a Romani on the way to the game but the team looks really, really good. But I’m still a Texans fan so I’m still kinda half waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Joe

Absolutely fantastic first half from all 3 phases of the team. The offensive line, despite backups across the line, have been great and have established and running game with pierce that’s allowed houston to control everything. Stroud is good yet again, and it looks like Nico Collins is the spotlight receiver this week. On top of that, the Texans defensive line is getting pressure, dylan horton and jerry hughes made plays, and the linebackers are looking good! Add on top of that a Steven Nelson interception and a plenty of field goals, and you’ve got the best production ive seen from the texans in years

l4blitzer

Interesting that the Rams do not seem perturbed by the morning kickoff (by their body clocks). They are squashing the Colts right now

vballretired

Wait a minute, which BRB fantasy team has Lamar Jackson?

l4blitzer

Ravens helping out our 2024 draft pick as well

vballretired

Yup

Patrick

Ours.

vballretired

That’s kittening right

Patrick

I should’ve put him in instead of Tua, huh?

vballretired

Oh kittens…well it’s close

Patrick

Okay, second half coming up. Let’s see if they can keep this up.

vballretired

Pittsburgh with the ball

SECOND HALF: PIT POSSESSION

Joe

oh man im nervous

vballretired

This possession sets the tone for the rest of the game

Patrick

Oh dear.

vballretired

They was kitteny tackling

Joe

matt canada is ben roethlisberger’s long lost brother

vballretired

A little better

That’s a lot more like it

l4blitzer

I am sure the Yinzer nation was calling for Canada’s head at halftime

Joe

two alabama graudates with the last name harris on the play

you are very right

vballretired

Ok nice throw there

Patrick

Aw [KITTEN].

Joe

im waiting for the fire canada chant to start during this game

dang

vballretired

Blame Canada

That sucked

Patrick

[KITTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEENNNNNNNN]

l4blitzer

Looks like PIT made some adjustments, and Houston may have read some potential headlines about a win…

vballretired

[KITTEN]

Patrick

I don’t like this.

Joe

come on horton

come on greenard

force a fg

vballretired

Nice

l4blitzer

Thought the Steelers would run more…maybe it is now for them

Patrick

Whew.

Joe

WOOOOOO

Patrick

Oh lord they’re gonna go for it, aren’t they?

vballretired

Nope

Patrick

Thank Durga.

Joe

GREENARD AND TO’OTO’O

vballretired

16-3

Joe

fantastic!!!

absolutely fantastic

this cant be real life

vballretired

Okay offense, you gotta respond

Patrick

Counterattack.

vballretired

Need at least some first downs

BOSWELL WITH THE 35 YARD FG: YINZERS 3 – Y’ALLS 16; 9:31, THIRD QUARTER

l4blitzer

Looks like Denver and MIN are in competition for that #1 pick right now

Patrick

And the Vikings just gave control of the pick right back to Denver.

l4blitzer

I seem to recall in the original Sum of All Fears, Tom Clancy had his terrorists nuke a Super Bowl between the Broncos and Vikings…right now, both fan bases might prefer that fate

vballretired

Watt in the booth

Patrick

Awwwwww, and my sound is off here.

HOU POSSESSION

Patrick

Sir Justin James Watt, Esq.

Good run up the middle, solid CHUM.

vballretired

Ok, I can deal with four yards

Roll that clock

l4blitzer

Is it a CHUM if we get more than 2 yards on a Middle Run?

vballretired

Not a good play there

Patrick

Hmmmmmm…

vballretired

[KITTEN]

Patrick

Ugh. The offensive line turned back into a pumpkin.

vballretired

When we only scored 16 this is what worried me

Joe

i dont want to give up yet but this is looking more of what i expected

Patrick

Oh [KITTEN] you and everyone who looks like you, ref.

l4blitzer

I guess Tomlin read the Riot Act to the defensive line as well

vballretired

Here it comes

l4blitzer

What is the ratio of Steeler fans to Texans fan today? Radio was quite loud with that intentional grounding call

vballretired

It’s significant

PIT POSSESSION

vballretired

We need a Beck TD, fluke pick six, or sack fumble

Almost

Patrick

And they’ve all forgotten how to tackle again somehow.

vballretired

Ok third down

Joe

here we go again

the defense is still making it difficult at least

NOOOO

oh my goodness!

vballretired

This is horrible tackling

Patrick

FOR [KITTEN]’S SAKE WRAP UP [DURGA][KITTEN] YOU.

Freiermuth’s down.

vballretired

Who?

Joe

Uh oh

and to’oto’o was doing a good job in coverage too

he was like a hair late but was all over najee harris when he made that catch

jeez oh man

Patrick

I hope DeMeco has an adjustment up his sleeve because they need one right now.

l4blitzer

Not good for PIT if Freemoose is out

Patrick

I have a bad feeling about this.

vballretired

Me too

Joe

redemption for to’oto’o!!!

wow!

vballretired

Okay, third down

l4blitzer

That was good by To’oto’o

Joe

Oh man!!!

this is making me so nervous

vballretired

Fourth down

Joe

WOOOOO

vballretired

No whammies no whammies no whammies

16-6

Patrick

I’ll take a field goal there.

vballretired

Two score game. We have to move the football. This is no time for the David Culley turtle offense

Patrick

From previous BRB Fearless Leader Tim: Meco has turned the ship. They are going to be competing for a playoff spot at least a season earlier than we thought.

vballretired

Interesting

Patrick

Maybe too soon but I think they made adjustments there?

BOSWELL WITH THE 23 YARD FG: PIT 6 – HOU 16; 5:47, 3RD

vballretired

[KITTEN]

Joe

pressure by highsmith

Patrick

All of a sudden he’s throwing like an Ohio State quarterback.

Joe

deculus being a starting tackle is starting to rear its head

it’s funny cuz i dont even think he’s the best preseason tackle

l4blitzer

Maybe Stroud needs to go back to thinking he is throwing against a Penn State secondary…

Joe

that honor would probably go to kilian zierer, who is hurt

Joe

shhhhh

OH NO

Patrick

Here we go again.

l4blitzer

Yeah, that hurts to write, but gotta help Stroud out somehow

vballretired

Tackle him. Don’t just hit him. Actually wrap up and bring him down

PIT POSSESSION

vballretired

That’s more like it

l4blitzer

Buffalo out-offensing Miami

Patrick

[KITTEN] [KITTEN] [KITTEN] [KITTEN]

Joe

wow the darnell washington pass

man he’s giant

vballretired

You cannot turtle this thing and win

Ok, that’s better

Patrick

I’ll take it.

Joe

alright!

Patrick

Someone in here is playing Super Mario Bros. and it’s driving me nuts.

Joe

put that in ur pitre dish lmao

hahahaha

vballretired

Ok, third and long

Patrick

Sooooo close, Pitre.

l4blitzer

Vikings might just get off the snide

vballretired

Fourth down

They going?

Joe

oh my goodness gracious

Patrick

[KITTEN], they’ll probably go for it here.

Joe

can they stop a 15 yard completion

vballretired

Here we go

Joe

here we go texans!!!

come on d-line!

Patrick

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand timeout Steelers

Joe

this would be a cool time for will anderson jr to show up

vballretired

Denver coming back

l4blitzer

Never easy with Houston, no?

Patrick

Not yet, anyway.

TIMEOUT PIT

vballretired

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Patrick

GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENARD!!!!

Joe

WOOOOOOO

GREENARD

vballretired

Pickett hurt

Patrick

Oh man oh man we needed THAT

Oh wow.

I hope he’s okay. Not TOO okay to come back, but okay still.

vballretired

Greenard is the Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull Player of the game

GREENARD WITH A MASSIVE 4th DOWN SACK; HOU POSSESSION

vballretired

Ok, that’s more like it….[KITTEN] flag

Patrick

Oh [KITTEN] what now?

l4blitzer

If I was a Yinzer, I would be booing the [KITTEN] out of Canada. You got Harris and our run defense and you go shotgun?

Joe

What a game by greenard

vballretired

Kendrick Green is just awesome…..not

Patrick

[KITTEN] you ref and your mother and your brother and your sister, your wife, your kids, their kids and all the generations of your family yet to come.

vballretired

Okay, decent carry

I hate that we are turtling

Patrick

We got him from the Steelers. I can’t discount the possibility of sabotage by traitorous elements.

vballretired

Nice

Patrick

Now we’re talking.

vballretired

I think Collins is over 100 yards

Joe

nico collins is having a breakout season so far

Patrick

I think I started the wrong Texans receiver in my other league.

vballretired

He is the Pabst Blue Ribbon player of the game

You got to have multiple skunky beers for this effort today

l4blitzer

For this game, it needs to be either the Lone Star or Shiner Bock player of the game….depending on the final result

vballretired

I’ll convert one to a better beer in that case

START OF FOURTH QUARTER: YINZERS 6 – Y’ALLS 16 (Y’ALLS DRIVING)

Patrick

The Nightmare Scaphism player of the game.

vballretired

We went to a bar last night called “Beers Looking At You”. Had some good craft beers

Patrick

That’s fantastic.

vballretired

Well that didn’t work. Stop turtling

Patrick

I guess they’re not going to call any more penalties on Pittsburgh since they were clearly moving before the snap there.

Joe

yeah i guess the refs got their quota in haha

vballretired

Collins!

Patrick

NOICE

l4blitzer

Script writers trying to set up for the dramatic Steelers win

Joe

LETS GO

nico collins is fantastic!!!

Patrick

Pickett going into the locker room.

Joe, who’s their backup?

l4blitzer

Broncos tied with Bears in the 2nd Suck Bowl 2023

vballretired

Ok that’s better

l4blitzer

Shouldn’t it be Trubisky?

vballretired

Pickett is out

Joe

trubisky

mr. biscuit!!!

Patrick

Ohhhhhhhh, sweet mother.

Joe

terrible news

vballretired

Nice cut by Singletary

Patrick

That was a great cut by Singletary there.

Joe

singletary is good news though

give him more carries!

Patrick

I really hope he’s okay and it’s not serious.

vballretired

Couldn’t you just picture a Rex Burkhead carry there

Patrick

Just don’t bring him back out.

l4blitzer

Yep, definitely a great cut there

vballretired

Roll that clock

Indy coming back

Patrick

SCHULTZ!!!!!!

vballretired

A trick play for a touchdown!!!!!!!!!!

Joe

td schultz!!!

vballretired

Hopefully that’s the kill shot

Schultz with a day

Patrick

TRICKERY!

Joe

singletary mvp season

SCHULTZ WITH THE 6 YARD TD RECEPTION FROM SINGLETARY; PIT 6 – HOU 23; 10:50, 4TH

vballretired

Need to keep on em’ Trubisky could work his backup magic

Patrick

If he does, I’m getting plastered.

vballretired

Of course

That goes without saying

Patrick

Already not in my happy place on this drive.

PIT POSSESSION

Patrick

So close to a pick.

l4blitzer

Wow, Miami really seeing a 180 from last week

Patrick

We’ve been so close to a pick all day today.

vballretired

Bad hands

Patrick

I mean they’re playing against the Bills so it’s not hugely surprising.

l4blitzer

Trubisky’s throws so bad, we can’t intercept…sounds like he went to the Davis Mills’ school of throwing

vballretired

Nelson still got one

Patrick

Or did Mills go to the Trubisky school of throwing?

Joe

hahahaha

vballretired

Punt

Joe

shaq griffin playing well

marking pickens get spicy

is this game over?

vballretired

Here comes the Culley turtling offense

Joe

you know at this point it might be okay if they turtle

HOU POSSESSION

Joe

once it’s below 8 minutes i dont think it’ll matter any more

vballretired

Yeah, it might be time

Get at least one first down

l4blitzer

Let’s just be smart…which is kind of a new concept for Houston this decade

Well, Miami gonna make it a little interesting

Patrick

But if there’s anyone who I’d believe is capable of being a smart coach and coaching smartly, it’s DeMeco Ryans.

Because he’s given me no reason to think otherwise yet.

vballretired

Like Cubs fans used to say, “anyone can have a bad century”

l4blitzer

Well, imagine if you play dumb-ly for Ryans…with those arms, you won’t last long in the post-game meetings

vballretired

Ok hold onto the ball and stay inbounds

First down

Patrick

Dameon Pierce: takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’.

vballretired

Another obligatory false start

Patrick

[KITTEN]in’ hell [Geron] Christian.

vballretired

Fourth string tackle

l4blitzer

Need a ground attack that will crush your enemies, see them driven before you and hear the lamentations of the women…Pierce will do

Patrick

8 penalties for 63 yards, unacceptable.

l4blitzer

Yeah, Ryans gonna choke-slam someone through a wall in the weekly meetings

vballretired

But they are putting homeless people in uniform and telling them to block

Patrick

That was pretty, Stroud. So pretty.

l4blitzer

Bears stuffed on 4th and 1…so Bears 2022-23

vballretired

Perfect motivation. You keep that guy from hitting Stroud and you get a hot meal

Patrick

Bears/Broncos tied.

l4blitzer

Wow…Ponies and Rams in a game

Patrick

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooh.

vballretired

Nice juke from Singletary

Patrick

approvingvincemcmahonmeme.gif

::deletes meme::

vballretired

Wow they blew that up

Oh my that was close

l4blitzer

Amazingly, Steelers surrendering the run yards to this line…they gonna have a tough week in their meetings as well

Patrick

They got lucky on that one.

vballretired

Kendrick Green down

Patrick

Finally, things are looking up.

But seriously, they’re gonna pull someone from the stands to play OL at this rate.

Joe

Yeah is there anyone healthy left?

vballretired

I don’t weigh enough

Joe

Do they have another guard?

Maybe Michael Deiter?

vballretired

Case Keenum?

Patrick

I could probably play guard. I would be terrible but I don’t know that you’d really notice that much of a difference.

I’m at least big enough to do it.

vballretired

Morrissey

Joe

Oh yeah Jimmy Morrissey

l4blitzer

“All individuals over 290lbs, please report to the field, all individuals over 290lbs at NRG, please report to the field.”

Joe

Well he played well in the preseason so he must be a pro bowler in disguise

Patrick

Gross.

vballretired

Well that sucked

Kenneth L.

Wow I didn’t know Kenyon Green was out for the season. What a busy

Bust

vballretired

Yup

Kenneth L.

Our entire offensive line is hurt

Patrick

I still have hope.

vballretired

He’s on the Michael Brantley timeline

Patrick

Only Shaq Mason is healthy and we need to sacrifice a chicken to make sure it stays that way.

vballretired

Live or KFC

Patrick

Let’s cover all our bases and do both.

l4blitzer

According to Dusty Baker, Chas McCormick is a little heavy…an option if this week doesn’t go well…

Ravens grounding the Browns into the dirt

vballretired

Collins upgraded to St. Arnold’s player of the game

Joe

OH MY GOODNESS

AAAAAA

l4blitzer

Ponies about to tie up the game with the Rams

Joe

this game is unreal!!!!

Joe

This game was sent down to us by the football [DURGA]s

vballretired

The rout is on boys

Patrick

I literally couldn’t react to that pass, I was just watching it in wide wonder like a child staring into the sun for the first time.

vballretired

Completion percentage down but [KITTEN]

COLLINS WITH THE 52 YARD TD RECEPTION: YINZERS CRYING IN THEIR IRON CITY BEER; HOU 30 – PIT 6; 3:39, FOURTH QUARTER

Kenneth L.

NICO COLLINS HANDS OF GAWD

Joe

I love your reaction patrick hahaha

Kenneth L.

that was over Peterson!

Joe

Nico Collins is the savior

vballretired

Anderson with a score!!!!!!!!

Let’s [KITTEN]ing go!!!!!!!

Patrick

WO;EITHNAS;R LI2WHGTNE;ROVWHNG LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

PIT POSSESSION

Joe

wjwjsksn

WJWJSNS

vballretired

Let him have it

Joe

Yeah this is the best game ever

vballretired

[KITTEN]

Patrick

[KITTEN] YOU REFS

Are these refs from [KITTEN]ing Scranton or something?

Anderson didn’t get the TD…PIT POSSESSION. Still a 24 point lead

vballretired

Here come the Colts burning with desire

l4blitzer

I think Denver is going to escape with a win in the “Suck Bowl”

TWO MINUTE WARNING

l4blitzer

Good one brewing in Philly with the Commanders and Iggles

Joe

how about the commanders always making it a game in philly

they even beat them there last year

l4blitzer

We are looking at the first win streak for this team in over 660+ days and our first home win since Dec 2021….so that means we have been kinda bad, huh?

Joe

this was one of the most complete games i’ve ever seen from the texans

just a little

i would have never expected a win streak this early into the 2023 season

they are way ahead of schedule

vballretired

Holy cow that was awesome

l4blitzer

I think I was most surprised by the running game…with our line and the Steelers with defensive horses…I thought the run game would be an afterthought

FINAL: HOU 30 – PIT 6. HOUSTON SNAPPED A 10 GAME HOME WINLESS STREAK AND GETS CONSECUTIVE WINS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN NEARLY 2 YEARS. TEAM IS AT 2-2.

l4blitzer

We rushed for 139 yards…with this line??? I would have thought that Canada was going to be the villain of the day, but I think that the Steelers D-Coordinator is in for a bad, bad week on the social media webs

Joe

That was one of the best football games I’ve ever watched. As difficult as it was to watch the Texans take a real beating to the Steelers, it was just as satisfying to see the fruits of the rebuild blossom into a complete dismantling of the opponent. CJ Stroud was good again, helped by an injury-riddled offensive line that has somehow improved the more injuries they’ve absorbed, and a wide receiving room that is apparently exploding with playmakers. Dameon Pierce and Devin Singletary really controlled the pace of the game, which I’ve been looking for the offense to do since the beginning of the season. The defense has similarly improved week after week, culminating in this m[KITTEN]ive success in suffocating Pittsburgh’s offense the entire game. Greenard, To’oTo’o, and Cashman led a defense playing far better against the run and pass than I could have ever expected. This game still doesn’t feel real, I dont even know what to say besides the Texans have completely blown away my expectations, and I couldn’t be more excited to see what happens next

vballretired

I think the biggest thing was two weeks in a row this game could have gotten away from them and two weeks in a row they stepped up and made plays. They won going away. This wasn’t the hold on for dear life OBrien days. Stroud is the real deal. Maybe we can have nice things.

Joe

this really does feel like a “maybe we can have nice things” moment

this didnt feel like something the texans were allowed to do

just win outright

and now they’ve done it 2 weeks in a row

GAME BALLS: Nico Collins. Maybe, just maybe, Houston is seeing a receiver for the Battle Red who is prone to lighting up the yardage books and the scoreboards for the first time since peak Nuk. Seven receptions, 168 yards and two TDs…on the heels of his last home game, yeah, Collins might like playing at home. Props also to Devin Singletary, who provided strong kick returning, quality rushing and the TD pass that Stroud didn’t get to in this game. Oh, yeah, that Stroud guy…1,212 yards passing, six TDs and ZERO INTS in his first four starts.

Defense gets a shoutout with stellar overall play. While they may not have shown dominance per se, they keep the Steelers out of the end zone. Jonathan Greenard with two sacks, and Henry To’oTo’o with a massive pass breakup on a pass that probably should have been a TD for Pittsburgh in the third quarter. Instead of Pittsburgh getting to 16-10, they would only get three, keeping it a 16-6, and getting no closer.

SHOULD BE FORCED TO LISTEN TO RECORDINGS OF MYRON COPE SINGING CHRISTMAS CAROLS WHILE DRINKING 5-DAY OLD FLAT IRON CITY BEER. Shaq Mason. He isn’t in the easiest of spots right now. Granted, the line has played above its talent level these past two games. However, two dumb penalties when the Texans are inside the Steelers’ five doesn’t help matters. Still, Houston did get the TD, and the overall performance makes this a bit more nit-picking than anything else. The Texans committed eight penalties for 63 yards, which, if this team is actually going to be in the mix for quality teams, is going to have to get that squared away.

Matt Canada: Again, I don’t intend to use this segment to call out the other guys, but this coordinator is fast becoming the most despised person in Pittsburgh. In particular, on a fourth and one call inside the Texans’ 35, trailing 16-6 in the third and with a battering ram of a running back in Najee Harris, who had already gashed the Texans for 55 yards in the quarter, you take a timeout to run a play out of shotgun??? Not only did Houston blow that up and sack Pickett, but Pickett gets injured, and Houston effectively ended the Steelers’ comeback hopes. The Texans’ fan in me is happy, but the empathetic man in me is like “What the [KITTEN] were you thinking?” I would not be surprised if Canada gets sacked soon, and likely when the season ends at the latest.

With that, Houston snaps its 8-game home losing streak, and has its 1st win streak of any sort in nearly two years. They will attempt to add to that next week, when they travel to Atlanta to face off against the Atlanta Falcons next Sunday, with a noon CDT kickoff. See you then.