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Trolling The Nation for Cowboys vs Jets: ‘Parsons is not a real human being’

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By: One Cool Customer

Photo by Richard Rodriguez/Getty Images

Savor every last detail of Sunday’s game as you read what other fans had to say as they watched the Cowboys outclass the Jets.

It’s Victory Monday, which means it’s time to take another leisurely stroll through the comments of football fans across the SB Nation network as they were watching the Dallas Cowboys outclass New York Jets to the tune of 30-10. That makes the Cowboys 2-0 on the year.

The afternoon slot doesn’t always generate a ton of comments on the other blogs. In addition to comments from Jets fans, we’ve collected a smattering of comments from the Eagles, Vikings, Patriots, Steelers, Saints, and Dolphins SB Nation sites. So while today’s TTN may be a bit shorter than usual, hopefully it’s just as enjoyable.

Disclaimer: All quotes are taken directly from the open game threads from the SB Nation team sites as indicated in front of every comment. Some minor edits have been made to improve the overall legibility of the quotes and to satisfy the site guidelines of our board, but no other changes have been made, no commentary added.

First Quarter
Eagles Just got my temporary Jets fan membership card. It expires at 20:00 pm.
TSPC37730 | 16:14 EDT
Vikings Now I hope the Cowboys lose to the Jets. Especially after the Cowboys started crowing a bit too much after last week’s blowout against the Giants.
cpappa | 16:18 EDT
Is a win by less than 40 a consolation price for you?
Purple Faithful | 16:19 EDT
Jets All I ask is that we don’t do what the Giants did last week.
JoCaT33 | 16:25 EDT
Jets My wife doesn’t understand why I am so excited to watch the game if Zach is starting. Good question.
ZACHisoursavior | 16:25 EDT

Romo and Nantz trying to sell Jets vs Cowboys…hard….as an actual game…sorry guys. We might not be smart…but we ain’t dumb.

You cannot dress up Arnold The Pig and convince us it is Giselle

DrDunk | 16:26 EDT
Jets Not starting well. They are shredding us.
jet_veteran | 16:29 EDT
(9:19) D.Prescott pass short left to J.Ferguson for 4 yards, TOUCHDOWN.
NYJ 0 – DAL 7
Jets It’s going to be a long day.
DMAC17 | 16:32 EDT
Jets Blow out city coming.
Huge Jets Fan | 16:32 EDT
Jets Very bad start, the D was stomped….
jet_veteran | 16:33 EDT
Jets Yikes, if Zach has to score TDs it’s game over.
Hypnotaod | 16:33 EDT
Such a silly take. Always need to score touchdowns.
LawyerUp21$ | 16:35 EDT
I meant for the Jets.
Hypnotaod | 16:35 EDT
Steelers Picked the Cowboys for the eliminator this week.
Yinzer. | 16:34 EDT
Smart. Don’t see Zach Wilson beating that pass rush.
Steel34Defense | 16:40 EDT
Neither do I, should be a blowout.
Yinzer. | 16:40 EDT
Jets D-Line better start getting some pressure on Dak or this is going to be an ugly game.
s8ntandrew | 16:34 EDT
Saints Cowboys seem like they could be the class of the NFC…
whatwasthat | 16:35 EDT
Patriots Unless turnovers, Jets won’t win.
Axis2Lord | 16:37 EDT
You can eliminate the first two words….it is simply…Jets won’t win….
DrDunk | 16:40 EDT
(7:56) Z.Wilson sacked at NYJ 23 for -7 yards (M.Parsons).
Jets Optimism just left the building.
RiseOfCobraCommander | 16:38 EDT
Dolphins Parsons is so quick.
USMCFinzFreak | 16:39 EDT
Dolphins Best Def player in NFL, not close.
heatforlife | 16:40 EDT
Patriots Ouch…Micah Parsons…F22 Raptor
DrDunk | 16:39 EDT
Patriots Wow Micah Parsons is a
stevethumb | 16:39 EDT
Vikings Parsons may get charged with assault for that sack.
oofda22 | 16:39 EDT
(7:03) NYJ punt
Jets I should’ve taken Cowboys and the over.
RiseOfCobraCommander | 16:39 EDT
Jets Seriously, even if Rodgers had stayed healthy you cant win with this OL. They are ridiculous.
jet_veteran | 16:39 EDT
He would’ve died today.
Soulbrotha1 | 16:40 EDT
Eagles The Cowboys would win this game easily with Cooper Rush. No chance for the Jets with Wilson.
Whatcanyoudo10 | 16:40 EDT
Jets Parsons is literally next level against a very sad sack of crap on the left.
sp0rtsfan86 | 16:40 EDT
Jets Could be a long night.
Tamarack | 16:40 EDT
Patriots BRUH that was absolutely filthy by Parsons. Parsons might be the best defensive player in the league now, even over the likes of Donald. So disruptive, crafty, etc.
Phantom255x | 16:41 EDT
Jets I dunno how you build a “Super Bowl team” with such a craptastic line.
martian_death_ray | 16:41 EDT
Jets Parsons is that good.
section 402 | 16:41 EDT
Strong_Island_Jets_NY | 16:41 EDT
Jets Parsons is not a real human being.
J-Cubed | 16:41 EDT
Dolphins He’s going to set the market up very high when it comes time to be paid. Trouble with that is there is nobody who comes close to his abilities.
USMCFinzFreak | 16:42 EDT
Eagles I should’ve just picked Dallas FFS.
DarkSide830 | 16:42 EDT
Jets Anything good on Netflix?
Hypnotaod | 16:42 EDT
(5:37) DAL punts
Jets Gotta run at Parsons. Can’t pass against him. Can’t run away from him.
Sheldor6086 | 16:44 EDT
Jets If they win this game, I’ll forgive those ugly uniforms until next week.
martian_death_ray | 16:47 EDT
Jets You can see the Jets have no faith in Zach. They either have to trust him or replace him.
Jetsfan74 | 16:48 EDT
(3:26) (Punt formation, 4th-and-1) Direct snap to A.Davis. A.Davis up the middle to NYJ 23 for 4 yards.
Jets Salaaaaah
Soulbrotha1 | 16:48 EDT
Jets Love the call
DD31 | 16:48 EDT
Jets Nice call!
Tommyo2001 | 16:48 EDT
Jets Ballsy
Huge Jets Fan | 16:48 EDT
Jets I was screaming for a fake punt. I am so stoked.
Hack_the_GOAT | 16:48 EDT
(0:54) NYJ punt
Jets Wack Wilson
RiseOfCobraCommander | 16:54 EDT
Zach Zilchson
KingJamesTheWicked | 16:54 EDT
Jets When your QB rolls out and he has all day to throw to a wide open Garrett Wilson, it’s Zach time.
Hypnotaod | 16:54 EDT
Jets Wilson is not qualified to be an NFL quarterback, but the OC should be held accountable for his lack of creativity.
ChiefAce | 16:54 EDT
Jets I should’ve went golfing.
RiseOfCobraCommander | 16:55 EDT
(:54) D.Prescott pass to C.Lamb. FUMBLES, recovered by DAL- T.Biadasz
Jets Oh man, that fumble went away from 6 green jerseys.
Arun Krishnan | 16:56 EDT
Jets There’s no way an Olineman picked up that fumble
Soulbrotha1 | 16:56 EDT
Jets Feels like the Dallas play callers are a step ahead of ours so far.
John B | 16:56 EDT
Jets Defense getting gashed. Going to be a long day.
DMAC17 | 16:57 EDT
Second Quarter
Patriots CeeDee Lamb, another #1 WR helping on an elite team. Wish we had one of those.
Phantom255x | 16:59 EDT
Jets Biggest difference in this game so far is the Dallas O-line. Game is being lost in the trenches on both sides of the ball.
mcguirkj | 16:59 EDT
Jets Didn’t we spend a 1st-round pick on a game-changing, disruptive edge? Oh that’s right. Healthy scratch
ZACHisoursavior | 16:59 EDT
Jets Dallas is better coached.
Arun Krishnan | 17:00 EDT
As is my 8-year-old nephew’s team.
ChiefAce | 17:00 EDT
Jets Two best corners and can’t cover Lamb.
Huge Jets Fan | 17:00 EDT
Jets Prescott 10-for-10. Not what you’re looking for.
John B | 17:00 EDT
Jets And with tons of time.
jet_veteran | 17:00 EDT
Jets Lamb sauce is mint.
KingJamesTheWicked | 17:01 EDT
Jets This looks like a difference in class. They are marching at will…
jet_veteran | 17:02 EDT
Jets This is what a good O-line looks like, and they’re starting Chuma Edoga.
jaylenbrownAND1 | 17:03 EDT
Jets Cowboys ain’t even sweating..
jet_veteran | 17:03 EDT
Jets The only good play we have so far is the fake punt.
shiff71 | 17:05 EDT
Which was completely wasted on the very next series.
JoCaT33 | 17:05 EDT
(9:10) B.Aubrey 35 yard field goal is GOOD
NYJ 0 – DAL 10
Jets 10-0 might as well be 40-0.
ZACHisoursavior | 17:06 EDT
Jets They’re just really really really good. Simple as that.
ToadLicker | 17:07 EDT
Jets We are Zach’d in the Box.
Huge Jets Fan | 17:08 EDT
Jets Game threads are always fertile ground for people to parrot the takes of low-functioning Twitter users.
Ol’ Vincenz | 17:09 EDT
Jets It’s gonna be a long day watching Parsons go against Brown.
John B | 17:10 EDT
Inexcusable. Premeditated murder.
AllToons | 17:10 EDT
(8:16) NYJ punt
Jets Any Micah Parsons type of LB in next years draft?
adam.sigma | 17:14 EDT “
Jets Dak: 1 incompletion
Zach: 1 completion
rocketcoe | 17:15 EDT
Jets My God, Dak has all day to throw from a clean pocket.
iwamofo | 17:17 EDT
(7:21) DAL punts
gamerk316 | 17:19 EDT
Sad Jets Fan | 17:19 EDT
(7:12) Z.Wilson pass short middle to G.Wilson for 68 yards, TOUCHDOWN.
NYJ 7 – DAL 10
Jets There you go now. Settle down, doomers.
mcguirkj | 17:19 EDT
Check if that was really Zach Wilson, or an imposter
razmataaz | 17:20 EDT
Jets Hackett must have actually taken that coffee break.
John B | 17:17 EDT
Jets chew on that all your Zach haters. Go Jets.
JetRick | 17:17 EDT
Jets That was so much better than running into a wall.
RedG33 | 17:19 EDT
Jets Great catch by Lamb. DAMN!
s8ntandrew | 17:19 EDT
Jets Of course our guy gets hurt on that hit.
Tommyo2001 | 17:19 EDT
Jets Cowboys are gonna let Pollard walk and this guy Deuce is just gonna pick right up where Zeke and Pollard left off.
IMissFatRex | 17:28 EDT
Two minute warning
Jets Play calling gets too much blame usually, but this game is an exception. Jets coaches are getting dunked on.
John B | 17:35 EDT
(1:52) D.Prescott pass short left to L.Schoonmaker for 1 yard, TOUCHDOWN
NYJ 7 – DAL 16
NYJ 7 – DAL 18
Patriots The Cowboys have 238 total yards on offense and everyone in this board thinks the Jets are balling out in defense. They aren’t. They are getting man-handled.
Mikesully131 | 17:38 EDT
I like this take.
QueenofthePhoneAge | 18:41 EDT
Steelers Me like Vander Esch.
ALDOG | 17:41 EDT
Patriots Cowboys in prevent D no pass rush at all kind of just giving them points here ho hum
Mikesully131 | 17:42 EDT
Patriots That’s not man to man coverage. They are way off the ball hence the open lanes for Wilson .
Mikesully131 | 17:45 EDT
(0:04) NYJ field goal is GOOD
NYJ 10 – DAL 18
End of Half
Jets One score game.
Arun Krishnan | 17:53 EDT
Jets Sad thing is that people will still pin this loss on Zach Wilson.
DMAC17 | 17:57 EDT
Jets Do you know what’s going to happen in the second half because there’s not much to pin on Zach right now.
New School Record | 17:58 EDT
Jets Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?
gundamman | 18:02 EDT
Third Quarter
Jets If you’re going to run on 3rd and 17, you better get more than 2 yards.
Jets012 | 18:05 EDT
Jets That was what we came up with over half time.
Nanananananana | 18:05 EDT
(13:22) NYJ punt
Jets Please pass the puke bucket
RiseOfCobraCommander | 18:07 EDT
Jets Complete aside: Nobody should be wearing number zero in the NFL. I mean why not wear number minus 54.
mcguirkj | 18:08 EDT
A -54 jersey would slap.
IMissFatRex | 18:09 EDT
I agree. I even agree this is the right time to discuss this.
New School Record | 18:18 EDT
Jets The story of this game is the two offensive lines. Night and Day.
mcguirkj | 18:09 EDT
Jets Lamb is absolutely killing this secondary.
TheRobNinkovichEra | 18:10 EDT
Steelers Perhaps the NFL world shouldn’t have crowned the Jets Defense as one of the best in the NFL after only one week.
BBnG | 18:11 EDT
Jets Mike Mcarthy is hands down born to be the Dallas coach. Dudes crumbled almost every year but he literally walks on water.
GenoTime7 | 18:11 EDT
Jets OMG, 3rd and 14 completed. Why did this Jets D mail in this game?
jet_muse | 18:13 EDT
Jets I think Saleh, Ulbrich, and the defensive players got too full of themselves. All this bragging yada yeah. They are playing like dog poop.
shiff71 | 18:13 EDT
(7:24) B.Aubrey 21 yard field goal is GOOD
NYJ 10 – DAL 21
Jets Dallas has scored on four of five series. Not good enough.
John B | 18:15 EDT
Jets This is prob the best Cowboys team in a long time. They’ll screw it up I’m sure.
TragicNYSportsFan | 18:16 EDT
Jets Saleh: “Wilson is playing awesome. We are going to now take away everything he has done well.”
Jetsfan74 | 18:19 EDT
“Your arm and legs kept us in it, please tone it down”
Ol’ Vincenz | 18:18 EDT
“We know it’s your superpower and it makes you look like a viable QB but be mindful that it’s risky”
IMissFatRex | 18:19 EDT
Jets Wait, we really just got confirmation that the Jets told Zach to be careful lol.
IMissFatRex | 18:20 EDT
(6:47) D.Cook FUMBLES (M.Parsons), RECOVERED by DAL-M.Parsons.
Jets Parsons is an absolute beast.
TheRobNinkovichEra | 18:20 EDT
Patriots The bar is really low for Wilson. If he makes one good play the announcers are all over the top praise.
Mikesully131 | 18:21 EDT
Jets Parsons allowed to do whatever he wants.
Jettojaga | 18:21 EDT
Jets Parsons is insane.
chrebet | 18:21 EDT
Jets Parsons is one of the best players I’ve ever seen.
Not Easy Being Green | 18:19 EDT
(5:19) B.Aubrey 55 yard field goal is GOOD
NYJ 10 – DAL 24
Jets Good stand by the D. Now let Wilson off the leash and see what happens.
TheRobNinkovichEra | 18:25 EDT
Dolphins Can we get the Cowboys kicker… wow, 55 yarder easy.
SuperG! | 18:27 EDT
Jets Let’s just salvage the day with a nice TD drive from ZW.
TragicNYSportsFan | 18:29 EDT
(5:19) Z.Wilson sacked at NYJ 18 for -7 yards (O.Odighizuwa).
Jets Why are we yet to see any calls for deep shots? I mean, it’s not like we have anything to lose at this point…let Zach air it out.
JoCaT33 | 18:32 EDT
(3:44) NYJ punt
Jets Is this when we turn the game off?
RiseOfCobraCommander | 18:33 EDT
Jets You can criticize Jet players all you want. But Dallas is playing lights out today on both sides of the ball. This is a damn good team.
mcguirkj | 18:33 EDT
Jets Aaron Rodgers is watching the game at home reconsidering retirement.
Hypnotaod | 18:34 EDT
Jets Dallas is a very good team. Everyone is going to have trouble playing them.
lucienlc | 18:35 EDT
Jets This franchise is an existential roach-motel – souls go in but don’t come out.
martian_death_ray | 18:36 EDT
Jets Feels like McCarthy is showing us mercy tbh. He is slowing the game down instead of just lighting us up.
AllToons | 18:38 EDT
Jets And here I thought -8.5 was a little disrespectful.
Imacamper | 18:38 EDT
Jets Wilson pressured on 69% of dropbacks today.
mcguirkj | 18:38 EDT

Fourth Quarter
Jets Dak at .38 EPA/Play
Zach at -.1 EPA/Play
Jets012 | 18:39 EDT
Jets How do they leave a top 10 receiver open play after play?
CbusJetsFan | 18:40 EDT
The mind boggles.
lucienlc | 18:40 EDT
Jets Is Lamb invisible?
Rampantjet22 | 18:40 EDT
Jets I think the “don’t cover CeeDee Lamb” game plan kinda failed.
J-Cubed | 18:41 EDT
Jets Crazy Dak fell to the Cowboys in the 4th rd…
adam.sigma | 18:43 EDT
(12:23) B.Aubrey 26 yard field goal is GOOD
NYJ 10 – DAL 27
Jets Maybe Parsons will eventually feel guilty, turn to Christ, and quit football.
rocketcoe | 18:47 EDT
Jets Parsons is best I’ve seen since Lawrence Taylor.
Huge Jets Fan | 18:48 EDT
(11:36) Z.Wilson INTERCEPTED by J.Kearse
Jets Aaand there’s my guy.
Blasticon | 18:48 EDT
Patriots This is a Lawrence-Taylor-like performance. Micah Parsons…oh my
stevethumb | 18:50 EDT
Jets Who was that hottie behind Dan Quinn lol
TragicNYSportsFan | 18:50 EDT
Dolphins Saleh at halftime said Wilson was playing great. With those observations he won’t be around to long.
heatforlife | 18:51 EDT
Jets Getting our butts well and truly kicked hard today might not be a bad thing in the long run.
YanksJetsIslanders | 18:52 EDT
Jets Hope the D canceled their gold jacket measurement appointments.
Sheldor6086 | 18:54 EDT
(8:18) B.Aubrey 30 yard field goal is GOOD
NYJ 10 – DAL 30
Jets On that INT, Parsons made McGovern look like a small child.
mcguirkj | 18:56 EDT
Jets Micah Parsons is the best player in the NFL.
AllToons | 18:57 EDT
Patriots I live near Philly and play a junk fantasy league with all Eagles fans — so to mess with them, I took all Cowboys in our draft. I’m winning 95.66 – 74.7 right now.
ghosthaus | 18:58 EDT
Jets I mean, Dallas is just a better team and they’re taking us to the woodshed. Humbling.
J-Cubed | 18:59 EDT
Jets Parsons is the best front 7 player I’ve seen since prime JJ Watt.
IMissFatRex | 19:01 EDT
He’s better than Watt.
DD31 | 19:01 EDT
Like LT.
Huge Jets Fan | 19:01 EDT
Yes, I agree, like LT
DD31 | 19:02 EDT
Jets Tony Romo: “If you’re a Jets fan you still think you’re winning this game.” Shut up. Shut. Up.
Blasticon | 19:02 EDT
(6:52) Z.Wilson sacked at NYJ 48 for -5 yards (M.Parsons).
Jets Damnnnn.
DD31 | 19:04 EDT
Jets Parsons is either The Flash or he’s offsides on half these plays.
JHF819 | 19:04 EDT
He’s The Flash.
J-Cubed | 19:05 EDT
(6:02) Z.Wilson pass INTERCEPTED by M.Hooker
Jets Lol Zach Wilson, man. Well good thing is, he’s pretty much guaranteed the Jets to be flexed out of prime time so this may be the last game I get to watch all season.
GenoTime7 | 19:06 EDT
Jets At least Mccarthy isnt pulling a Belichick and calling for deep passes at this point of the game..
adam.sigma | 19:06 EDT
Jets Zach Wilson played well for Zach Wilson and Jets QB standards. He did not play well for NFL QB standards
GenoTime7 | 19:07 EDT
(3:56) DAL punts
(3:00) Z.Wilson pass INTERCEPTED by T.Diggs
Dolphins Zach Wilson makes me happy
Orchids_of_Asia_VIP | 19:12 EDT
Jets I hate this team. We’re not meant to have nice things.
Arty R (flawed911) | 19:12 EDT
Jets Okay that third INT was the first one I’d say Wilson really stank on.
mcguirkj | 19:12 EDT
Jets Who is that beautiful lady in the headset?
Soulbrotha1 | 19:12 EDT
Jets Troll paradise today.
YanksJetsIslanders | 19:17 EDT
End Of Game
Dolphins Can anybody slow down Micah Parsons, he decides games on his own, unreal player.
heatforlife | 19:21 EDT
Saints The only teams so far that look head and shoulders above every other team are Dallas and San Francisco. Everyone else looks close.
Oreck Vincent | 19:31 EDT
Patriots I thought the Jets were supposed to have a historic defense? Dak had a 112 passer rating today. Only sacked once. Threw 2 TD’s. Real historic, lol.
MD Pats Fan | 20:53 EDT

Originally posted on Blogging The Boys

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