Trolling The Nation for Cowboys vs Jets: ‘Parsons is not a real human being’
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By: One Cool Customer
Savor every last detail of Sunday’s game as you read what other fans had to say as they watched the Cowboys outclass the Jets.
It’s Victory Monday, which means it’s time to take another leisurely stroll through the comments of football fans across the SB Nation network as they were watching the Dallas Cowboys outclass New York Jets to the tune of 30-10. That makes the Cowboys 2-0 on the year.
The afternoon slot doesn’t always generate a ton of comments on the other blogs. In addition to comments from Jets fans, we’ve collected a smattering of comments from the Eagles, Vikings, Patriots, Steelers, Saints, and Dolphins SB Nation sites. So while today’s TTN may be a bit shorter than usual, hopefully it’s just as enjoyable.
Disclaimer: All quotes are taken directly from the open game threads from the SB Nation team sites as indicated in front of every comment. Some minor edits have been made to improve the overall legibility of the quotes and to satisfy the site guidelines of our board, but no other changes have been made, no commentary added.
| First Quarter | |
| Eagles | Just got my temporary Jets fan membership card. It expires at 20:00 pm. |
| TSPC37730 | 16:14 EDT | |
| Vikings | Now I hope the Cowboys lose to the Jets. Especially after the Cowboys started crowing a bit too much after last week’s blowout against the Giants. |
| cpappa | 16:18 EDT | |
| Is a win by less than 40 a consolation price for you? | |
| Purple Faithful | 16:19 EDT | |
| Kickoff | |
| Jets | All I ask is that we don’t do what the Giants did last week. |
| JoCaT33 | 16:25 EDT | |
| Jets | My wife doesn’t understand why I am so excited to watch the game if Zach is starting. Good question. |
| ZACHisoursavior | 16:25 EDT | |
| Patriots |
Romo and Nantz trying to sell Jets vs Cowboys…hard….as an actual game…sorry guys. We might not be smart…but we ain’t dumb. You cannot dress up Arnold The Pig and convince us it is Giselle |
| DrDunk | 16:26 EDT | |
| Jets | Not starting well. They are shredding us. |
| jet_veteran | 16:29 EDT | |
| (9:19) D.Prescott pass short left to J.Ferguson for 4 yards, TOUCHDOWN. NYJ 0 – DAL 7 |
|
| Jets | It’s going to be a long day. |
| DMAC17 | 16:32 EDT | |
| Jets | Blow out city coming. |
| Huge Jets Fan | 16:32 EDT | |
| Jets | Very bad start, the D was stomped…. |
| jet_veteran | 16:33 EDT | |
| Jets | Yikes, if Zach has to score TDs it’s game over. |
| Hypnotaod | 16:33 EDT | |
| Such a silly take. Always need to score touchdowns. | |
| LawyerUp21$ | 16:35 EDT | |
| I meant for the Jets. | |
| Hypnotaod | 16:35 EDT | |
| Steelers | Picked the Cowboys for the eliminator this week. |
| Yinzer. | 16:34 EDT | |
| Smart. Don’t see Zach Wilson beating that pass rush. | |
| Steel34Defense | 16:40 EDT | |
| Neither do I, should be a blowout. | |
| Yinzer. | 16:40 EDT | |
| Jets | D-Line better start getting some pressure on Dak or this is going to be an ugly game. |
| s8ntandrew | 16:34 EDT | |
| Saints | Cowboys seem like they could be the class of the NFC… |
| whatwasthat | 16:35 EDT | |
| Patriots | Unless turnovers, Jets won’t win. |
| Axis2Lord | 16:37 EDT | |
| You can eliminate the first two words….it is simply…Jets won’t win…. | |
| DrDunk | 16:40 EDT | |
| (7:56) Z.Wilson sacked at NYJ 23 for -7 yards (M.Parsons). | |
| Jets | Optimism just left the building. |
| RiseOfCobraCommander | 16:38 EDT | |
| Dolphins | Parsons is so quick. |
| USMCFinzFreak | 16:39 EDT | |
| Dolphins | Best Def player in NFL, not close. |
| heatforlife | 16:40 EDT | |
| Patriots | Ouch…Micah Parsons…F22 Raptor |
| DrDunk | 16:39 EDT | |
| Patriots | Wow Micah Parsons is a |
| stevethumb | 16:39 EDT | |
| Vikings | Parsons may get charged with assault for that sack. |
| oofda22 | 16:39 EDT | |
| (7:03) NYJ punt | |
| Jets | I should’ve taken Cowboys and the over. |
| RiseOfCobraCommander | 16:39 EDT | |
| Jets | Seriously, even if Rodgers had stayed healthy you cant win with this OL. They are ridiculous. |
| jet_veteran | 16:39 EDT | |
| He would’ve died today. | |
| Soulbrotha1 | 16:40 EDT | |
| Eagles | The Cowboys would win this game easily with Cooper Rush. No chance for the Jets with Wilson. |
| Whatcanyoudo10 | 16:40 EDT | |
| Jets | Parsons is literally next level against a very sad sack of crap on the left. |
| sp0rtsfan86 | 16:40 EDT | |
| Jets | Could be a long night. |
| Tamarack | 16:40 EDT | |
| Patriots | BRUH that was absolutely filthy by Parsons. Parsons might be the best defensive player in the league now, even over the likes of Donald. So disruptive, crafty, etc. |
| Phantom255x | 16:41 EDT | |
| Jets | I dunno how you build a “Super Bowl team” with such a craptastic line. |
| martian_death_ray | 16:41 EDT | |
| Jets | Parsons is that good. |
| section 402 | 16:41 EDT | |
| Vicious. | |
| Strong_Island_Jets_NY | 16:41 EDT | |
| Jets | Parsons is not a real human being. |
| J-Cubed | 16:41 EDT | |
| Dolphins | He’s going to set the market up very high when it comes time to be paid. Trouble with that is there is nobody who comes close to his abilities. |
| USMCFinzFreak | 16:42 EDT | |
| Eagles | I should’ve just picked Dallas FFS. |
| DarkSide830 | 16:42 EDT | |
| Jets | Anything good on Netflix? |
| Hypnotaod | 16:42 EDT | |
| (5:37) DAL punts | |
| Jets | Gotta run at Parsons. Can’t pass against him. Can’t run away from him. |
| Sheldor6086 | 16:44 EDT | |
| Jets | If they win this game, I’ll forgive those ugly uniforms until next week. |
| martian_death_ray | 16:47 EDT | |
| Jets | You can see the Jets have no faith in Zach. They either have to trust him or replace him. |
| Jetsfan74 | 16:48 EDT | |
| (3:26) (Punt formation, 4th-and-1) Direct snap to A.Davis. A.Davis up the middle to NYJ 23 for 4 yards. | |
| Jets | Salaaaaah |
| Soulbrotha1 | 16:48 EDT | |
| Jets | Love the call |
| DD31 | 16:48 EDT | |
| Jets | Nice call! |
| Tommyo2001 | 16:48 EDT | |
| Jets | Ballsy |
| Huge Jets Fan | 16:48 EDT | |
| Jets | I was screaming for a fake punt. I am so stoked. |
| Hack_the_GOAT | 16:48 EDT | |
| (0:54) NYJ punt | |
| Jets | Wack Wilson |
| RiseOfCobraCommander | 16:54 EDT | |
| Zach Zilchson | |
| KingJamesTheWicked | 16:54 EDT | |
| Jets | When your QB rolls out and he has all day to throw to a wide open Garrett Wilson, it’s Zach time. |
| Hypnotaod | 16:54 EDT | |
| Jets | Wilson is not qualified to be an NFL quarterback, but the OC should be held accountable for his lack of creativity. |
| ChiefAce | 16:54 EDT | |
| Jets | I should’ve went golfing. |
| RiseOfCobraCommander | 16:55 EDT | |
| (:54) D.Prescott pass to C.Lamb. FUMBLES, recovered by DAL- T.Biadasz | |
| Jets | Oh man, that fumble went away from 6 green jerseys. |
| Arun Krishnan | 16:56 EDT | |
| Jets | There’s no way an Olineman picked up that fumble |
| Soulbrotha1 | 16:56 EDT | |
| Jets | Feels like the Dallas play callers are a step ahead of ours so far. |
| John B | 16:56 EDT | |
| Jets | Defense getting gashed. Going to be a long day. |
| DMAC17 | 16:57 EDT | |
| Second Quarter | |
| Patriots | CeeDee Lamb, another #1 WR helping on an elite team. Wish we had one of those. |
| Phantom255x | 16:59 EDT | |
| Jets | Biggest difference in this game so far is the Dallas O-line. Game is being lost in the trenches on both sides of the ball. |
| mcguirkj | 16:59 EDT | |
| Jets | Didn’t we spend a 1st-round pick on a game-changing, disruptive edge? Oh that’s right. Healthy scratch |
| ZACHisoursavior | 16:59 EDT | |
| Jets | Dallas is better coached. |
| Arun Krishnan | 17:00 EDT | |
| As is my 8-year-old nephew’s team. | |
| ChiefAce | 17:00 EDT | |
| Jets | Two best corners and can’t cover Lamb. |
| Huge Jets Fan | 17:00 EDT | |
| Jets | Prescott 10-for-10. Not what you’re looking for. |
| John B | 17:00 EDT | |
| Jets | And with tons of time. |
| jet_veteran | 17:00 EDT | |
| Jets | Lamb sauce is mint. |
| KingJamesTheWicked | 17:01 EDT | |
| Jets | This looks like a difference in class. They are marching at will… |
| jet_veteran | 17:02 EDT | |
| Jets | This is what a good O-line looks like, and they’re starting Chuma Edoga. |
| jaylenbrownAND1 | 17:03 EDT | |
| Jets | Cowboys ain’t even sweating.. |
| jet_veteran | 17:03 EDT | |
| Jets | The only good play we have so far is the fake punt. |
| shiff71 | 17:05 EDT | |
| Which was completely wasted on the very next series. | |
| JoCaT33 | 17:05 EDT | |
| (9:10) B.Aubrey 35 yard field goal is GOOD NYJ 0 – DAL 10 |
|
| Jets | 10-0 might as well be 40-0. |
| ZACHisoursavior | 17:06 EDT | |
| Jets | They’re just really really really good. Simple as that. |
| ToadLicker | 17:07 EDT | |
| Jets | We are Zach’d in the Box. |
| Huge Jets Fan | 17:08 EDT | |
| Jets | Game threads are always fertile ground for people to parrot the takes of low-functioning Twitter users. |
| Ol’ Vincenz | 17:09 EDT | |
| Jets | It’s gonna be a long day watching Parsons go against Brown. |
| John B | 17:10 EDT | |
| Inexcusable. Premeditated murder. | |
| AllToons | 17:10 EDT | |
| (8:16) NYJ punt | |
| Jets | Any Micah Parsons type of LB in next years draft? |
| adam.sigma | 17:14 EDT “ | |
| Jets | Dak: 1 incompletion Zach: 1 completion |
| rocketcoe | 17:15 EDT | |
| Jets | My God, Dak has all day to throw from a clean pocket. |
| iwamofo | 17:17 EDT | |
| (7:21) DAL punts | |
| Jets | WILSON |
| gamerk316 | 17:19 EDT | |
| Jets | THAT’S WHAT WE NEED! |
| Sad Jets Fan | 17:19 EDT | |
| (7:12) Z.Wilson pass short middle to G.Wilson for 68 yards, TOUCHDOWN. NYJ 7 – DAL 10 |
|
| Jets | There you go now. Settle down, doomers. |
| mcguirkj | 17:19 EDT | |
| Check if that was really Zach Wilson, or an imposter | |
| razmataaz | 17:20 EDT | |
| Jets | Hackett must have actually taken that coffee break. |
| John B | 17:17 EDT | |
| Jets | chew on that all your Zach haters. Go Jets. |
| JetRick | 17:17 EDT | |
| Jets | That was so much better than running into a wall. |
| RedG33 | 17:19 EDT | |
| Jets | Great catch by Lamb. DAMN! |
| s8ntandrew | 17:19 EDT | |
| Jets | Of course our guy gets hurt on that hit. |
| Tommyo2001 | 17:19 EDT | |
| Jets | Cowboys are gonna let Pollard walk and this guy Deuce is just gonna pick right up where Zeke and Pollard left off. |
| IMissFatRex | 17:28 EDT | |
| Two minute warning | |
| Jets | Play calling gets too much blame usually, but this game is an exception. Jets coaches are getting dunked on. |
| John B | 17:35 EDT | |
| (1:52) D.Prescott pass short left to L.Schoonmaker for 1 yard, TOUCHDOWN NYJ 7 – DAL 16 |
|
| TWO-POINT CONVERSION ATTEMPT. T.Pollard rushes right end. ATTEMPT SUCCEEDS. NYJ 7 – DAL 18 |
|
| Patriots | The Cowboys have 238 total yards on offense and everyone in this board thinks the Jets are balling out in defense. They aren’t. They are getting man-handled. |
| Mikesully131 | 17:38 EDT | |
| I like this take. | |
| QueenofthePhoneAge | 18:41 EDT | |
| Steelers | Me like Vander Esch. |
| ALDOG | 17:41 EDT | |
| Patriots | Cowboys in prevent D no pass rush at all kind of just giving them points here ho hum |
| Mikesully131 | 17:42 EDT | |
| Patriots | That’s not man to man coverage. They are way off the ball hence the open lanes for Wilson . |
| Mikesully131 | 17:45 EDT | |
| (0:04) NYJ field goal is GOOD NYJ 10 – DAL 18 |
|
| End of Half | |
| Jets | One score game. |
| Arun Krishnan | 17:53 EDT | |
| Jets | Sad thing is that people will still pin this loss on Zach Wilson. |
| DMAC17 | 17:57 EDT | |
| Jets | Do you know what’s going to happen in the second half because there’s not much to pin on Zach right now. |
| New School Record | 17:58 EDT | |
| Jets | Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? |
| gundamman | 18:02 EDT | |
| Third Quarter | |
| Jets | If you’re going to run on 3rd and 17, you better get more than 2 yards. |
| Jets012 | 18:05 EDT | |
| Jets | That was what we came up with over half time. |
| Nanananananana | 18:05 EDT | |
| (13:22) NYJ punt | |
| Jets | Please pass the puke bucket |
| RiseOfCobraCommander | 18:07 EDT | |
| Jets | Complete aside: Nobody should be wearing number zero in the NFL. I mean why not wear number minus 54. |
| mcguirkj | 18:08 EDT | |
| A -54 jersey would slap. | |
| IMissFatRex | 18:09 EDT | |
| I agree. I even agree this is the right time to discuss this. | |
| New School Record | 18:18 EDT | |
| Jets | The story of this game is the two offensive lines. Night and Day. |
| mcguirkj | 18:09 EDT | |
| Jets | Lamb is absolutely killing this secondary. |
| TheRobNinkovichEra | 18:10 EDT | |
| Steelers | Perhaps the NFL world shouldn’t have crowned the Jets Defense as one of the best in the NFL after only one week. |
| BBnG | 18:11 EDT | |
| Jets | Mike Mcarthy is hands down born to be the Dallas coach. Dudes crumbled almost every year but he literally walks on water. |
| GenoTime7 | 18:11 EDT | |
| Jets | OMG, 3rd and 14 completed. Why did this Jets D mail in this game? |
| jet_muse | 18:13 EDT | |
| Jets | I think Saleh, Ulbrich, and the defensive players got too full of themselves. All this bragging yada yeah. They are playing like dog poop. |
| shiff71 | 18:13 EDT | |
| (7:24) B.Aubrey 21 yard field goal is GOOD NYJ 10 – DAL 21 |
|
| Jets | Dallas has scored on four of five series. Not good enough. |
| John B | 18:15 EDT | |
| Jets | This is prob the best Cowboys team in a long time. They’ll screw it up I’m sure. |
| TragicNYSportsFan | 18:16 EDT | |
| Jets | Saleh: “Wilson is playing awesome. We are going to now take away everything he has done well.” |
| Jetsfan74 | 18:19 EDT | |
| “Your arm and legs kept us in it, please tone it down” | |
| Ol’ Vincenz | 18:18 EDT | |
| “We know it’s your superpower and it makes you look like a viable QB but be mindful that it’s risky” | |
| IMissFatRex | 18:19 EDT | |
| Jets | Wait, we really just got confirmation that the Jets told Zach to be careful lol. |
| IMissFatRex | 18:20 EDT | |
| (6:47) D.Cook FUMBLES (M.Parsons), RECOVERED by DAL-M.Parsons. | |
| Jets | Parsons is an absolute beast. |
| TheRobNinkovichEra | 18:20 EDT | |
| Patriots | The bar is really low for Wilson. If he makes one good play the announcers are all over the top praise. |
| Mikesully131 | 18:21 EDT | |
| Jets | Parsons allowed to do whatever he wants. |
| Jettojaga | 18:21 EDT | |
| Jets | Parsons is insane. |
| chrebet | 18:21 EDT | |
| Jets | Parsons is one of the best players I’ve ever seen. |
| Not Easy Being Green | 18:19 EDT | |
| (5:19) B.Aubrey 55 yard field goal is GOOD NYJ 10 – DAL 24 |
|
| Jets | Good stand by the D. Now let Wilson off the leash and see what happens. |
| TheRobNinkovichEra | 18:25 EDT | |
| Dolphins | Can we get the Cowboys kicker… wow, 55 yarder easy. |
| SuperG! | 18:27 EDT | |
| Jets | Let’s just salvage the day with a nice TD drive from ZW. |
| TragicNYSportsFan | 18:29 EDT | |
| (5:19) Z.Wilson sacked at NYJ 18 for -7 yards (O.Odighizuwa). | |
| Jets | Why are we yet to see any calls for deep shots? I mean, it’s not like we have anything to lose at this point…let Zach air it out. |
| JoCaT33 | 18:32 EDT | |
| (3:44) NYJ punt | |
| Jets | Is this when we turn the game off? |
| RiseOfCobraCommander | 18:33 EDT | |
| Jets | You can criticize Jet players all you want. But Dallas is playing lights out today on both sides of the ball. This is a damn good team. |
| mcguirkj | 18:33 EDT | |
| Jets | Aaron Rodgers is watching the game at home reconsidering retirement. |
| Hypnotaod | 18:34 EDT | |
| Jets | Dallas is a very good team. Everyone is going to have trouble playing them. |
| lucienlc | 18:35 EDT | |
| Jets | This franchise is an existential roach-motel – souls go in but don’t come out. |
| martian_death_ray | 18:36 EDT | |
| Jets | Feels like McCarthy is showing us mercy tbh. He is slowing the game down instead of just lighting us up. |
| AllToons | 18:38 EDT | |
| Jets | And here I thought -8.5 was a little disrespectful. |
| Imacamper | 18:38 EDT | |
| Jets | Wilson pressured on 69% of dropbacks today. |
| mcguirkj | 18:38 EDT | |
“
| Fourth Quarter | |
| Jets | Dak at .38 EPA/Play Zach at -.1 EPA/Play |
| Jets012 | 18:39 EDT | |
| Jets | How do they leave a top 10 receiver open play after play? |
| CbusJetsFan | 18:40 EDT | |
| The mind boggles. | |
| lucienlc | 18:40 EDT | |
| Jets | Is Lamb invisible? |
| Rampantjet22 | 18:40 EDT | |
| Jets | I think the “don’t cover CeeDee Lamb” game plan kinda failed. |
| J-Cubed | 18:41 EDT | |
| Jets | Crazy Dak fell to the Cowboys in the 4th rd… |
| adam.sigma | 18:43 EDT | |
| (12:23) B.Aubrey 26 yard field goal is GOOD NYJ 10 – DAL 27 |
|
| Jets | Maybe Parsons will eventually feel guilty, turn to Christ, and quit football. |
| rocketcoe | 18:47 EDT | |
| Jets | Parsons is best I’ve seen since Lawrence Taylor. |
| Huge Jets Fan | 18:48 EDT | |
| (11:36) Z.Wilson INTERCEPTED by J.Kearse | |
| Jets | Aaand there’s my guy. |
| Blasticon | 18:48 EDT | |
| Patriots | This is a Lawrence-Taylor-like performance. Micah Parsons…oh my |
| stevethumb | 18:50 EDT | |
| Jets | Who was that hottie behind Dan Quinn lol |
| TragicNYSportsFan | 18:50 EDT | |
| Dolphins | Saleh at halftime said Wilson was playing great. With those observations he won’t be around to long. |
| heatforlife | 18:51 EDT | |
| Jets | Getting our butts well and truly kicked hard today might not be a bad thing in the long run. |
| YanksJetsIslanders | 18:52 EDT | |
| Jets | Hope the D canceled their gold jacket measurement appointments. |
| Sheldor6086 | 18:54 EDT | |
| (8:18) B.Aubrey 30 yard field goal is GOOD NYJ 10 – DAL 30 |
|
| Jets | On that INT, Parsons made McGovern look like a small child. |
| mcguirkj | 18:56 EDT | |
| Jets | Micah Parsons is the best player in the NFL. |
| AllToons | 18:57 EDT | |
| Patriots | I live near Philly and play a junk fantasy league with all Eagles fans — so to mess with them, I took all Cowboys in our draft. I’m winning 95.66 – 74.7 right now. |
| ghosthaus | 18:58 EDT | |
| Jets | I mean, Dallas is just a better team and they’re taking us to the woodshed. Humbling. |
| J-Cubed | 18:59 EDT | |
| Jets | Parsons is the best front 7 player I’ve seen since prime JJ Watt. |
| IMissFatRex | 19:01 EDT | |
| He’s better than Watt. | |
| DD31 | 19:01 EDT | |
| Like LT. | |
| Huge Jets Fan | 19:01 EDT | |
| Yes, I agree, like LT | |
| DD31 | 19:02 EDT | |
| Jets | Tony Romo: “If you’re a Jets fan you still think you’re winning this game.” Shut up. Shut. Up. |
| Blasticon | 19:02 EDT | |
| (6:52) Z.Wilson sacked at NYJ 48 for -5 yards (M.Parsons). | |
| Jets | Damnnnn. |
| DD31 | 19:04 EDT | |
| Jets | Parsons is either The Flash or he’s offsides on half these plays. |
| JHF819 | 19:04 EDT | |
| He’s The Flash. | |
| J-Cubed | 19:05 EDT | |
| (6:02) Z.Wilson pass INTERCEPTED by M.Hooker | |
| Jets | Lol Zach Wilson, man. Well good thing is, he’s pretty much guaranteed the Jets to be flexed out of prime time so this may be the last game I get to watch all season. |
| GenoTime7 | 19:06 EDT | |
| Jets | At least Mccarthy isnt pulling a Belichick and calling for deep passes at this point of the game.. |
| adam.sigma | 19:06 EDT | |
| Jets | Zach Wilson played well for Zach Wilson and Jets QB standards. He did not play well for NFL QB standards |
| GenoTime7 | 19:07 EDT | |
| (3:56) DAL punts | |
| (3:00) Z.Wilson pass INTERCEPTED by T.Diggs | |
| Dolphins | Zach Wilson makes me happy |
| Orchids_of_Asia_VIP | 19:12 EDT | |
| Jets | I hate this team. We’re not meant to have nice things. |
| Arty R (flawed911) | 19:12 EDT | |
| Jets | Okay that third INT was the first one I’d say Wilson really stank on. |
| mcguirkj | 19:12 EDT | |
| Jets | Who is that beautiful lady in the headset? |
| Soulbrotha1 | 19:12 EDT | |
| Jets | Troll paradise today. |
| YanksJetsIslanders | 19:17 EDT | |
| End Of Game | |
| Dolphins | Can anybody slow down Micah Parsons, he decides games on his own, unreal player. |
| heatforlife | 19:21 EDT | |
| Saints | The only teams so far that look head and shoulders above every other team are Dallas and San Francisco. Everyone else looks close. |
| Oreck Vincent | 19:31 EDT | |
| Patriots | I thought the Jets were supposed to have a historic defense? Dak had a 112 passer rating today. Only sacked once. Threw 2 TD’s. Real historic, lol. |
| MD Pats Fan | 20:53 EDT | |
Originally posted on Blogging The Boys
